A Way to Say Goodbye
by StarlightKat
Summary: The brothers thought Karamatsu would be gone forever... but they get another chance
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: Another Osomatsu fanfic! I wanted to try out something different and if you read my two oneshots and enjoyed them then hopefully you'll enjoy this story too. Anyways, enjoy! :)_

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It was raining, a gloomy day, but it was a day that befitted the situation for the brothers. The heavy raindrops landed on multiple black umbrellas. The whole Matsuno family was there including a few friends and acquaintances and they all wore black, a grim theme for the event they were in. Everyone stood up, a few hunched over and shaking, though instead of six brothers standing there were only five, and that one missing person was Karamatsu. The second oldest laid resting peacefully inside the coffin as it lowered down into a ditch.

The only noise throughout the field was Jyushimatsu and Todomatsu's sobbing. Choromatsu emitted soft whimpers as tears streamed down his face while Ichimatsu refused to make any sounds; instead, he bit his lip hard enough for it to bleed but the tears were still distinguishable on his face. None of them watched the coffin lower assisted by three people aside from Osomatsu. He stood tall as he eyed the wooden rectangle. No tears came out but his eyes were lethargic and puffy, most likely from the time that he had the chance to be alone.

Todomatsu leaned against him and hid his face in his chest. Osomatsu accepted the action and wrapped his arms around him, rubbing small circles around his back. They were all soaked. Everyone had umbrellas besides them because they had neither the strength nor care to hold one. So instead they accepted the cold downpour, it was the closest it could get for comfort.

Osomatsu blocked out the sobs and keens. If he listened to them, he feared he might be doing it along with them and he couldn't. Not when he had already done it earlier and his brothers were now huddling closer to him. Out of the corner of his eyes, his parents were bracing each other. His mother hiding her face in his father's neck as he was clutching the back of her shirt, shutting his eyes to keep any tears that threatened to spill inside.

The moment mud shoveled into the hole, the coffin now secured inside, was when Osomatsu finally tore his eyes away. He turned his head up to the sky, squinting to protect his now stinging eyes from the rain. This was finally it. Karamatsu, his _brother_ , was finally disappearing from their lives. They had the chance to see him earlier when the coffin's door had been open inside the church. Each brother had taken turns to walk up and say his final goodbyes. It was then when Karamatsu looked most serene, his smile no longer flashing and his eyebrows no longer arching downwards. He looked like he was sleeping, but what he was in was a reminder that he was not, but that he was dead and never coming back. Clenching his teeth Osomatsu shut his eyes. He just didn't understand. He could accept the fact that his brother was dead, he and the rest of his family had to at some point and he might as well be the first, but what he couldn't accept was how they never knew how he died.

That night a week ago, he and his brothers were playing a board game, their parents sleeping already. Only Karamatsu wasn't present but they didn't mind, he usually came home late at midnight or even later for whatever unknown reasons but they were used to it. All went normal for them and they were about to get ready for bed until a few hasty knocks were made on their door. Everyone immediately felt suspicious and all eyes turned to Osomatsu. Having the sense of responsibility, he made his way to the door without question. There was no peephole in the door so he prepared himself to see who decided to knock past midnight. It couldn't have been Karamatsu. He never needed to knock; everyone knew that he just entered the house and yelled 'I'm home'. Osomatsu had expected it to be Karamatsu anyways or at least he hoped so. When he opened it, he sighed in relief. Karamatsu was there though he was on the ground slumped on his side. Osomatsu snickered as he kneeled down to shake him up. He probably must've been drunk and just passed out right after he knocked. He shook his shoulders, slapped his cheeks, held his nose, anything to wake Karamatsu up. His smirk slowly turned into a frown and his brows knitted together. He shouldn't be doing what he was about to do but he did anyways, and that was to check his heartbeat. Panic shot through him in an instant and he started yelling his name. His other brothers ran to him calling his name. Everything else was a blur after that.

Osomatsu swallowed, relishing the rain sliding down his face. His neck was cramping but he didn't care. He didn't want to see his brother's coffin disappearing underground, it was all too soon and too agonizing. Just finding Karamatsu dead in front of his house was still fresh and vivid in his mind. Honestly, what had happened? Was he murdered? Someone could've just knocked on the door and bolted away leaving Karamatsu's body. But who? The police had done everything they could but there had been no evidence, which left his parents to cry from the pathetic news. Everyone wanted answers, but they weren't going to get any. His brother's death was a mystery that would forever carve their hearts if they never find out.

When he felt Todomatsu slip away, he looked ahead again. Everyone was walking forward to the now fully buried spot. The gravestone was now in place behind it with carved letters of Karamatsu's name and date of birth and death along with a meaningful message. Someone held bouquets of flowers and as people walked forward, they took a one and placed it over the mud. Everyone but Osomatsu moved to pay their final respects. He had to look up at the sky again; he couldn't stand to look at the sight any longer. His chest throbbed and his throat and eyes stung.

A hand patted him on the shoulder but he didn't bother to see who it was. All he was focused on was keeping himself together. This wasn't fair at all. The times he remembered poking fun at Karamatsu, ignored him, and ditched him were now memories that he regretted the most. He clenched his fists. Tears finally slid down his cheeks but he didn't care because he wasn't fine. He wasn't fine at all.

Opening his eyes, Karamatsu awoke to the rain pattering against the windows. He spread his arms to feel around and once realizing that he had been lying down he sat up. It was silent and dark but he could make out that he was in his shared brother's bedroom. After adjusting his eyes he stood up and stretched but a sudden sharp pain in his head had him hissing as he put a hand on his forehead. His mind was fuzzy and a mess overall. He didn't remember how he got here or yet it felt like he didn't remember yesterday at all. He couldn't even pinpoint the last thing he did but he didn't dare try to figure it out as his head was pounding. His whole body felt strangely numb and weightless but he figured that he had been extremely drunk yesterday and the aftereffects were still lingering. He should probably take some medicine but before he could take a step, he faintly heard a door open from downstairs.

Cautiously, Karamatsu crept his way down the stairs and through the hall. The light in the living room had turned on and he heard shuffling inside. Excitement grew in his chest to know that his brothers or parents came home. It felt like ages since he last talked to his family and now that someone was home, he rushed to peek from the side.

"Come on Totty take off your jacket," Osomatsu urged, "It's soaking wet and you're going to catch a cold. Mom and dad are going to be here soon so hurry."

Todomatsu, sitting on the floor, didn't respond as he buried his head in his arms on the coffee table. The only sounds that came from him were soft sniffles.

Osomatsu's brow twitched and he was about to walk up to him and take it off for him but Choromatsu pulled on his sleeve making him stop. When he turned to look at him the younger merely shook his head. Choromatsu's eyes were red and puffy but he didn't look bothered by it. Osomatsu glanced at his other brothers and noticed the same lamented looks. Sighing in defeat his shoulders slumped as he sat himself on the couch. Even when they got back home, the mood around them was still just like the one from the funeral. Though Osomatsu didn't mind, he didn't have it in him to change it.

Just when it was for the best that no one would say anything Jyushimatsu shuffled over to Todomatsu's side and bent down. "Don't cry Totty...," he tried comforting him but the rasp in his voice seemed less convincing. Hesitantly, he rested his hand on his brother's back and rubbed it.

A split second later Todomatsu smacked Jyushimatsu's arm away and whipped around glaring at him. His face was beet red and wetness from his cheeks and nose clung to his face but the way he snarled made Jyushimatsu flinch and back away. "Don't touch me!" he shrieked.

Karamatsu straightened up. His brothers had just gotten home and they were already arguing? Moreover, why was Todomatsu crying? All of their faces looked distressed and tired and he deeply wanted to know why. He stepped in front of the living room's entrance and coughed trying to get their attentions but it proved to be of little work as Todomatsu continued lashing out at Jyushimatsu. He raised an arm weakly as if not knowing exactly what to do. "Hey-"

"After what happened earlier you're telling me not to cry? How can I not cry?! I'm grieving because one of our brothers is dead! Karamatsu is dead!" Todomatsu cried out, "And he's not coming back ever!"

Karamatsu immediately went rigid as his eyes widened. What did he just say? Honestly what was his brother spewing? He was right there in the same room as them alive in flesh and bones. He should probably stop Todomatsu as all of this was starting to make him feel nauseous-

Then it hit him.

His stretched arm fell limply to his side as his head hung low staring at the floor. The pain in his head was now gone but now exactly realizing the feeling of his whole body being numb and light made his mouth agape as he remembered.

He was dead.

It suddenly all crashed to him. He remembered feeling his conscious slip away and his body becoming weak. The visual memory wasn't there but the _feeling_ was. It was faint but it was there and it was enough to have him crashing on his knees, and he grimaced when he couldn't feel anything from the impact.

Then that meant his brothers were this way because he was dead and no longer around? He looked up and examined their faces. Osomatsu had pulled Todomatsu away, as if he was stopping him from lashing out physically, while Jyushimatsu grasped Ichimatsu's shirt and cried. All of their faces looked awful, dark bags under their eyes and their clothes and hair were soaked. Each of them had a look as if they too had all died but on the inside and that made Karamatsu's heart ache in guilt.

Karamatsu buried his face in his hands and bit his lip. His throat had a lump and he felt tears on both his cheeks and hands but he didn't care. What had he _done_? He left his brother's in such a grieving situation and there was nothing that he could do. He had disappeared from their lives only to make them suffer in return and there was no going back to fix any of it. It was all too much to bear and the feeling of this going on possibly forever made him sob harder. "I-I'm so s-sorry," he choked out wailing, "Oh god w-what have I done I'm s-so sorry!" If it meant being there for his brothers and seeing their smiling faces again then he desperately wished he were alive again. However, it was all too late.

Raising his head, Todomatsu shook himself out of Osomatsu's grip and strained his ears. He narrowed his eyes, which received confusing looks from the others. Only when the sounds became clearer he murmured, "D-Do you hear that?"

Choromatsu sighed, relieved that Todomatsu was no longer furious but not wanting to deal with his possible hallucinations. "No? What is it?" he asked.

"I-I...I think I hear..." Todomatsu shivered as he looked at each of his brothers, "I think I can hear him."

Ichimatsu raised a brow. "Hear who?"

"Him!" Todomatsu repeated sounding desperate, "I can hear Karamatsu-niisan!"

"Totty please don't do this," Osomatsu pleaded. Of all things, he didn't want it coming down to this kind of situation.

"But I swear I can hear him! It- It sounds like he's..." Todomatsu searched around the living room frantically. _Hoping_ that his brother's voice wasn't just all in his head. When he turned his head to the living room's entrance his eyes widened from pure shock and disbelief, "...crying."

There he saw his brother, his brother that was supposed to be gone and never exist anymore, on his knees on the floor with his head buried in his hands and shoulders shaking. Todomatsu couldn't believe it and his reaction had his brothers looking in the same direction and gasping.

"K-Karamatsu?!" Osomatsu stuttered.

At his name called in surprise, Karamatsu jerked his head up. In front of him, his brothers stared at him like a deer in the headlights and that was when he wondered. "Brothers...?" Shakily, he put a foot on the floor and hoisted himself up. He thought hard whether if his brothers were looking at him or at something behind him.

It was dead silent for a few seconds, no one daring to speak as they tried to take in the overwhelming situation. Karamatsu hesitated as he waved a hand at them, still unsure of what to do. He couldn't take a step as their stares were like they were carving into his head. Todomatsu didn't say another word as he bolted up and ran towards him with the others soon following.

"Karamatsu!" They all cried in unison, new tears forming at the corners of their eyes though for the first time in what seemed like forever it wasn't from agony or grieving but more from joy.

Karamatsu flinched as his brothers dashed towards him. He braced himself as he spread his arms, unsure if his brothers would either embrace him or tackle him, either way he would gladly accept whichever ones and he started doubting if all what he thought before was just him being insane.

The moment his brothers reached him Karamatsu expected being in a group hug or on the floor but instead his brothers stumbled past him and fell onto the floor.

Wait

Turning around he found them toppled on one another and slowly getting up in pain. What just happened? They were directly in front of him when they reached out to him so he didn't understand what went wrong. Wincing, Todomatsu turned around and looked at him in bewilderment. Shakily reaching a hand out to him, he spoke, "Karamatsu-niisan... is that really you?"

Karamatsu smiled, tears threatening to spill out again. "Yes it's me my dear brother," he replied reaching out his hand towards his younger brother. He expected to be able to hold Todomatsu's hand in his but that didn't happen. Instead, Todomatsu's hand went right through his as if nothing was there. Todomatsu gasped and retracted his hand back in horror, his brothers having the same distraught faces.

Karamatsu's smile faltered and turned bitter. Oh, that was right. He was dead.

"Oh my god," Osomatsu said, his eyes growing wider, "Is this seriously for real?"

"H-hey what's going on..." Choromatsu panicked, shaking in fear as he stared at Karamatsu.

Karamatsu's gaze trailed to the floor as he frowned. It was true that he was dead after all. What an unfortunate way to see his brothers after who knew how long he had been gone. It still boggled his mind that they were able to see him dead. Looking back up, he took in the sight of his brothers' faces. All of their mouths were agape and their eyes were wide and shaking. They were probably afraid of him now that he was like this. He understood, but it pained him that his brothers were ecstatic to see him again but only to find him as something they couldn't even touch.

Even so, he didn't want to have this kind of relationship with his brothers just because he was some sort of ghost. If he had the chance to be with his brothers again instead of moving on, then he wasn't going to waste that opportunity. He had enough giving his brother sorrow and pain and he was going to fix that. It was the harsh reality that he wasn't in his body with a beating heart to hold his dear brothers, but what mattered most was that he still had some sort of existence. Karamatsu's chest still felt heavy from the acceptance of his death no matter what but he was content that he could still be with them.

Karamatsu raised his hand and examined it. Opening and closing his hand in observation before leaving it clenched, he understood that his fingers could not feel his palm. He looked back up to find that his brothers had calmed down a bit but was still high alert of his presence. "I..." he trailed off, not knowing exactly how to explain it. Would they act differently now that he was a ghost? Probably he figured, but the question was how differently? He sighed. He would find out once he explained it all.

Lightly smiling trying to offer some reassurance he continued, "To be honest here...the Karamatsu you're seeing right now is only a mere ghost, a fragment left behind after I had passed on. However, do not fret brothers, I am still who I am as when I was alive and well. It seems that I, for some reason, have not moved on to where I'm supposed to be."

After saying that it grew dead silent again and Karamatsu shifted in uneasiness, god he really wished his brothers would say something, anything, even if that might be rejection. Did they believe him? It was proof when they had tried to touch him earlier. He waited nervously as he observed their faces. Nothing much had changed besides the shaking that had stopped.

The longer it remained silent the more Karamatsu figured out his answer. It seemed that his brothers weren't okay with the fact he was still right there despite being dead. But that was alright, he understood that it wasn't a situation to accept so easily. He didn't blame them.

Sighing, he ran a hand through his hair. It would be best to leave them now to prevent any possible arguments. If they were going to fear him now, then he shouldn't be around anymore. It hurt because he wanted to be with them at least a little more but if it meant scaring them then he had to go. He gave a small wave to them and was about to bid them farewell but someone beaten him to it.

"Karamatsu nii-san!" Jyushimatsu yelled while dashing towards him.

Karamatsu flinched at the unexpected response. He shielded himself with his arms as Jyushimatsu jumped into the air about to pounce on him. Protecting himself wasn't necessary, but it was a fast reflex that was natural to him as a thud resonated behind him.

"Umph!" The younger cried as he landed face flat on the floor.

Turning around Karamatsu rushed and knelt beside his him, his hands hovering above him unsure even though that wasn't necessary either. "Jyushimatsu are you alright?" Jyushimatsu quickly lifted himself up sat up on his knees ignoring his question. His lips quivered and his eyes began to water and Karamatsu wondered if he was seriously injured. "H-Hey what's wrong?"

Jyushimatsu shook his head as tears finally started pouring out. "Y-You're here nii-san...you're really here," he cried. He reached his sleeves out and tried to grab him but it just effortlessly passed through.

"W-What?" Karamatsu stood up and backed away.

The next person to walk up to him was Osomatsu as he tried to wrap an arm around his neck but ended up making the same mistake. "Whoops, I forgot about that."

Watching his other brothers shifting closer to him Karamatsu put his hands up in front of him. "Wait wait! Aren't you guys scared of me?" At first, they were shivering at the sight of him but now they tried getting closer to him. It was all strange to him how different they acted so suddenly. His thoughts broke by a chuckle that came from his older brother.

"Scared of you?" Osomatsu laughed, "Why would we be scared of you? You're our painful brother!"

Karamatsu's eyes gazed at the floor, still unconvinced. "Yeah but...I'm-"

Osomatsu cut him off, "You're dead. We know, so what?"

Taken aback Karamatsu repeated, "So what? So you guys aren't bothered by the way I am? Are you really fine with this?" Seeing the way Osomatsu's lips pursed into a thin line instantly made him regret what he said.

"No," Osomatsu admitted, "Honestly we'll never be fine with your death. Heck we're still trying to comprehend that you're actually here! But that's the thing Karamatsu." He grinned wide as he moved closer to him. Any trace of fear and confusion long gone that was now replaced with rejoice. "It's that you're still here and that's what matters."

Karamatsu's eyes widened as he stared at his brother. He felt the familiar stinging in his eyes again as his shoulders shook. It was true after all that he would still be able to be with them again. The feeling in his chest was indescribable but all he knew was that he was overjoyed. They still accepted him.

Osomatsu now stood in front of him. Raising his hand he hovered it over Karamatsu's head just enough that it gave the illusion that he was actually touching his head. "Welcome home," he greeted.

Letting the tears fall again Karamatsu tried to picture the feeling on his head as he smiled back. "I'm home."

Osomatsu gave one last gentle look to his brother before stepping back. "Alright let's all take a seat in the living room! I'm exhausted and I need to sit down."

The others nodded and everyone shuffled to sit down on either the couch or the floor. Karamatsu sat on the couch between Todomatsu and Jyushimatsu, the younger two sitting as close as possible without trying to touch him. Ichimatsu sat on the floor in front of the couch right by Karamatsu's feet. His legs were against his chest as he hugged his knees. He kept sending glances his way every few times but hadn't spoken a word since.

Osomatsu and Choromatsu sat across from them on the floor. They understood how the younger ones wanted to be around Karamatsu now that he was back so they let them have that space, opting to sit further way to avoid an uncomfortable cluster.

"So," Osomatsu began, deciding to be the one to initiate the conversation, "How does it feel being...you know- ow!" He rubbed the back of his head where Choromatsu had smacked it.

"Really Osomatsu-niisan? Really?" Choromatsu chided. "Out of all things to say you say that? He probably isn't comfortable talking about it."

"Well what was I supposed to say?" Osomatsu retorted.

"Brothers it's okay," Karamatsu interrupted. Choromatsu gave him a worried look but he nodded in reassurance. "Well besides not being able to touch any of you guys I don't feel all that different."

"But you're able to sit on the couch?" Todomatsu pointed out.

Putting a hand to the couch's cushion Karamatsu felt around it before responding. "I guess I can touch nonliving objects. I can't feel it but my hand won't go through it."

Osomatsu turned his head up at the ceiling and hummed. "That's strange, but at least you won't be falling through the earth," he joked.

Karamatsu laughed. "I'm glad for that my brothers, though I wished I would have been able to hold you in my arms back when you all charged at me. But it's fine, I'm perfectly content with you all being able to see me."

"I'm glad too!" Jyushimatsu agreed. "I'm glad that Karamatsu-niisan is still here!" He kept reaching to the side towards Karamatsu and pulling back his hands every time he remembered what would happen. He wanted to squeeze his brother in a bone-crushing hug, but he knew that he would never be able to do that again.

"We're all glad that he's here," Choromatsu corrected. "But in regards to Karamatsu-niisan..." He turned his gaze towards Karamatsu, his worried expression taking over again as he stared at him. "If you're fine with telling us could you- could you maybe..." He hesitated, thinking if asking that question was really a good idea.

Karamatsu's eyebrows furrowed in confusion, "What is wrong? Go ahead and tell me, it's alright."

Choromatsu swallowed hard. "I was wondering if you could tell us- you know what it's not important just forget what I said," he hastily replied.

"No go ahead and tell me," Karamatsu urged, "It's fine really."

"He wants to know how you died," Ichimatsu deadpanned.

The room automatically felt suffocating and uncomfortable as it went silent again. All eyes turned to Ichimatsu, who only hugged his legs tighter and stared at the floor, his chin resting on his knees. If no one had the confidence to ask it he might as well be the one to say it, though even he was terrified to know the answer. He bit his lip, despite it still being sore from harshly biting it earlier, and waited for a response.

"I-Ichimatsu!" Choromatsu sputtered.

Osomatsu patted his shoulder, "Relax, you understand just as badly how much we all want to know."

All eyes now turned to Karamatsu. He sat still and rigid and everyone started to fear for the worse. Karamatsu's mouth opened and closed a few times as he stared at his hands resting on his lap. Everyone waited anxiously for his answer but he still didn't respond, or at least not right away. When he finally looked up they all jerked. His expression looked frightened as he eyed every one of them. It was as if he was desperately trying to form an answer.

After what seemed like forever he finally spoke, it was shaky and hesitant, but they were finally going to get an answer. However, it wasn't an answer they expected.

"I- I don't remember..."

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 _Yeah...that's how I ended it lol._

 _Thank you for reading! Please leave a review! :)_


	2. Chapter 2

"Sorry for the long wait!" The woman apologized and passed two cups of coffee towards Todomatsu.

Todomatsu smiled, taking the cups. "Ah it's okay! Thank you though." He was about to turn around and leave but the coffee shop lady stopped him.

"Who's the other cup for?" she asked. She was being nosy that Todomatsu wasn't fond of. "Is it for that lady waiting at that table over there?"

She pointed to a specific direction behind him and Todomatsu's gaze followed. A girl was sitting at a round table typing away on her laptop. Todomatsu frowned for a second before turning back and smiled again. "Actually no, it is for my brother."

The worker gasped. "Oh where is here? Is he here?"

Without giving it a second thought, Todomatsu turned back around and pointed at the other table where Karamatsu was patiently sitting at, who stared at him with a raised brow in return. "Over there."

"Sir…I don't see anyone sitting over there."

 _Oh, right._

Todomatsu whipped around and stared at her with wide, panicked eyes before regaining his composure. "Whoops it seems he hasn't arrived yet. He must be on his way, we were planning to meet here," he lied.

The lady gave him a nod, though Todomatsu caught the unsure stare, before helping the customer next in line. He was fine with that of course. His plans for not acting crazy already failed.

He rushed to the table and hastily sat down startling Karamatsu. After passing the coffee to him without a word he buried his face in his hands and groaned.

"T-Todomatsu is there something wrong?" he heard Karamatsu ask.

Shaking his head while refusing to look up he mumbled, "No, it's nothing."

It had been a little under a week since the reappearance of Karamatsu. Todomatsu and the others had settled down with the fact but they still hadn't gotten used to being the only ones who could see him. He supposed that he should be content that they were still able see him. However, it still bothered him that no one else could. Why was it like that? It was a strange mystery that he thought would never be answered, but he was fine with that.

It was also strange that Karamatsu was still able to touch objects but not them or anyone else. He had tried hugging his parents, who unfortunately couldn't see him, but he just went right past through them and it was the same with Totoko and everyone else. Out of all the times in the past where he cringed at the idea of embracing or even just touching his brother he wished more than ever to be able to do it now. But it was too late, and he wasn't fine with that.

"…matsu, Todomatsu!"

Finally lifting his head from his hands, Todomatsu turned to stare at him alarmed. "Huh?"

Karamatsu had an unsure look on his face as he scratched his cheek. "I apologize that I couldn't tell you this earlier, mainly because I didn't have any room to speak, but it was still my fault nonetheless. But...I can't eat anything. I have already tried some days ago."

Expression blank, Todomatsu looked at the coffee in his brother's hands. Oh, of course he couldn't eat, he's dead. Either Todomatsu was dumb and completely forgot or he subconsciously didn't want to acknowledge it. "I'm sorry," he sighed.

"No it is fine, brother, I should be the one who's sorry but I'm glad we have cleared it now. Also, you haven't touched your coffee in a while," he pointed out.

Todomatsu's gaze fell on the cup. The steam was no longer present above the liquid. "I'm just waiting for it to cool down," he brushed off.

"Is there something wrong?"

"No!" he defended himself, his voice rising a bit, "I was just thinking of things, that's all."

Karamatsu stared at him strangely quiet and skeptical before placing his cup down. "Is it because of me?" he asked next.

Todomatsu wanted to be genuinely honest, but because he had just as much difficulty expressing his emotions as the others, he scoffed instead. "It always has to be about you doesn't it?" He wanted to punch himself. His brother was trying to reason with him after he was the one who suggested hanging out and in response, he was being bitter about it.

Examining his face, Todomatsu noticed the way Karamatsu had barely made any facial expressions this whole time. It was extremely unlike him to do so and Todomatsu nervously waited for what he would say next.

Karamatsu's gaze finally left him and down onto his own cup. "No, it doesn't, but this time it is." Todomatsu didn't respond and he took that moment to look at him and continued. "Brother," his voice light yet firm, "I understand that it's hard to truly accept the way I am right now but it can't be helped."

"I know that!" Todomatsu yelled. His eyes widened at his own sudden reaction. This was bad, he shouldn't be treating Karamatsu like this. Taking a deep breath, he leaned back in his chair and relaxed. "I know, I know that…I just wished we knew how," he mumbled.

Karamatsu was silent again and Todomatsu noticed the way his lips pursed into a thin line. "I wish I knew too," he whispered and Todomatsu could hear the strain in his voice, "But hopefully we'll find the answer later on."

He really hoped for that to be true. But just how were they supposed to find out how Karamatsu died? Ever since Karamatsu had told them he had forgotten it was something that they had been deeply pondering about and still were. It was still a blessing that he even came back, though not quite entirely, but he still existed and that's what counted. But without knowing the truth they would never be able to accept it.

But…how long would it last?

Eyeing his cup Todomatsu grabbed it and chugged the cold coffee down, the feeling made him want to gag but he managed to drink all of it in one go. Finishing the cup, he slammed it back down and abruptly stood up. The squeaking of the chair's legs rubbing against the tiled floor received strange and annoyed looks from strangers and a questionable one from Karamatsu. "We should go fishing," he said plainly and without any patience he walked out of the café.

A few seconds later Karamatsu came running after him. "Wait! Why the sudden decision brother?" he desperately asked as he caught up.

Todomatsu shrugged, briskly walking and not bothering to slow down to let him catch his breath. "It's such a beautiful day and I'd rather waste my time spending it with you in an area we both like."

"O-Okay…" Karamatsu trailed off. He stared at him with major concern but didn't press on, and Todomatsu was glad for that.

In truth, he could _never_ tell Karamatsu the real reason why he wanted to do something else with him. He wouldn't admit that he wanted to spend as much time with him as possible. It was because the thought of Karamatsu possibly disappearing again and being gone forever terrified him. His experience of watching ghost movies always had the ghost disappearing and moving on and he feared that it would be the same with him. He bit his lip hard. He couldn't imagine a world without him ever again. Just thinking about how Karamatsu might not stay much longer had tears welling in his eyes but he blinked them away before his brother would even notice.

He had to stay strong. He had already cried enough.

They had to walk back home first to retrieve their fishing poles. Todomatsu had to wait outside for a bit while Karamatsu said he had to do something inside. He was glad everyone else was gone though, otherwise they probably would've never been able to leave.

Upon reaching the fishing area Todomatsu was glad for the lack of people around. For once in his life he actually wanted to be alone and in peace with Karamatsu. He thought that he should be happy for wanting to spend time with someone he'd always refused to even hang out with most of the time before, but the sudden realization that he wanted to do it after Karamatsu had died was as if his heart dropped all the way down to the ground. Was that what it had to take to want to be with him? His death? Oh god, the memories of the funeral were all coming back and he felt the tears coming out again.

"Hey Todomatsu, I found a spot we could sit at," Karamatsu said gaining his attention. He wasn't looking at him, instead he faced the direction of the empty cart seats and pointing at them.

Todomatsu rubbed his eyes before Karamatsu could look at him. "That looks like a good spot," he agreed. Karamatsu turned back and gave him a flashing grin before walking to their spot. Shaking his head, Todomatsu forced the bitter thoughts out of his mind before it consumed him any further. He may had missed the many chances back then but he had another chance now and he wasn't going to waste it.

Sitting down, Todomatsu began attaching his bait to the fishing hook. He managed to set it up quickly and when he glanced to see Karamatsu's progress he choked on his own words. "W-What? Why!?"

Karamatsu was setting up the fishing hook to a letter. A love letter to be exact and Todomatsu wanted to face palm himself. He should've expected his brother would do something so ridiculous. He did it many times before so seeing it again should've been no surprise to him.

Karamatsu didn't seem to mind the reaction because he just turned to him and smirked. "A man cannot catch anything without love," he said, "If you put your heart and soul into something you'll get what you want."

"What?" Honestly Todomatsu wanted to push him into the water but he couldn't, because even with all that happened Karamatsu he still acted the same way he always was and he found himself smiling because of it. But remembering how long he waited earlier at the house made him continue. "Wait, so the reason you left me waiting for 30 minutes was because you were writing a love letter?"

Waving a finger Karamatsu shook his head. "Writing a letter takes hard work and dedication. Rushing it would only ruin the meaning my brother."

"But I waited 30 minutes!" Todomatsu repeated. He felt the need to rip his hair out but he took a huge breath and mellowed down. "Anyways, let's just cast the poles and try to catch some fish."

Karamatsu smiled, "Of course, my brother."

Minutes passed and Todomatsu had managed to attract some fish with his bait but they either took it and booked it or realized that it was a trap and swam away before he could've even done anything. Time ticked away and it had been more than an hour and he still hadn't caught anything. Least to say he was growing more and more irritated. Looking next to him he noticed Karamatsu relaxed with his legs crossed. He was staring down at the water with a blank face and Todomatsu was going to ask him what he was thinking but remembering that no fish had even touched his letter made him burst out laughing and reeled in Karamatsu's attention.

"What?" he asked puzzled.

Regaining himself Todomatsu calmed down before explaining. "You're honestly not going to catch any fish like that. I mean yeah I haven't caught any either but at least there's fishing touching mine."

Karamatsu waved a finger in front of his face again and Todomatsu felt the urge to rip it off. "Patience is a virtue my brother."

Sighing, the younger turned back to the water in front of him. It was motionless, no ripples were present and Todomatsu really wondered if there was anything down there. "We're not going to catch any fish," he finally gave up. "No matter how long you wait nothing is going to happen. If nothing happened before it will happen again." He thought that coming out here would be a good idea but he began to rethink if it really was. _Maybe we shouldn't have come here… Karamatsu-niisan probably didn't even want to be here in the first place-_

"Non non non Todomatsu," Karamatsu interrupted his thoughts, "Having a pessimistic view will only result in no fish biting." Observing him, Todomatsu noticed the way his eyes shined as he stared at the water, as if he was expecting a big catch to happen at any moment. "Have a bit more hope and maybe you'll catch a fish."

Todomatsu stared at him in slight awe for a second before snorting. "You'll never catch one using a love letter."

Karamatsu gave a hearty laugh. "Everyone needs love my brother."

Internally cringing, Todomatsu didn't comment. He decided to let his brother have his way without question. He focused back to his fishing but every few moments he casted side glances at Karamatsu.

 _Hope huh..._

Even if his brother's disappearance in the future might seem inevitable, or that the answer to his death might never reveal itself, he thought that maybe he should try too. To have hope that Karamatsu could stay with them until their time ends and to solve the mystery of how he died. He was more of a realistic person, but maybe he could try something new for a change.

A tug on his pole had him focusing back to the water. There was definitely a fish that had bitten his bait and he was determined this time. Reeling it in he struggled at first but then it suddenly felt easy and when he pulled it all the way up what remained left was a hook- the bait and fish gone.

"Ah, you were so close," Karamatsu said slightly disappointed. "But you know if you really don't think we're going to catch anything we can head back home, I'm perfectly fine with whatever you want."

Todomatsu wanted to say yes. The sun was beginning to set and the humidity was starting to get to him making him feel gross. He had the opportunity to pack up and head back home but instead he shook his head and grabbed another bait from the box before casting it into the water again. "Thanks for the offer, but I feel pretty lucky today."

Dumbfounded, Karamatsu stared at him mouth agape before flashing another grin. "Heh, well if you feel that way then there's no doubt you'll catch one."

Todomatsu hummed in agreement. He really did have some hope for actually catching one, but most of it went towards something else. Or more like someone else. Smiling, Todomatsu closed his eyes and relished the feeling. The feeling that Karamatsu was still there and with him, not exactly how he wanted it, but it was close enough. It might be another few hours for a fish to even touch his bait but he was fine with that. Sitting next to his brother was more important than anything else, and if moments like this could last longer, then he didn't mind clinging on to that hope.

* * *

 _Thanks for reading! :) Please leave a review!_


	3. Chapter 3

Staring at the newspaper for hours made Choromatsu rub his eyes. A headache was forming and he felt exhausted, not from doing anything active but from searching for jobs on the paper that he was about to ball up into trash. Recently, his time researching had dramatically increased to the point that he even noticed it. But why? He had a faint suspicion in the back of his mind but he refused to acknowledge it. The harder he tried the more anxiety crept up to him. It had been a while since his last horrendous interview but it still replayed over and over fresh in his mind.

Osomatsu suggested that he take a break but he just couldn't, not when things changed. Not when life couldn't be the same anymore no matter how hard he tried to accept it. Maybe after when his headache subsided he could try again.

He leaned back, laid down on the floor in the living room, and stared up at the ceiling. He felt a little antsy because he did find a job he could interview for but he was scared. What if it went wrong like last time? What if they secretly laughed as he left? Those kinds of thoughts were the reasons he kept searching instead of going to them. In the midst of his thoughts he didn't notice the sound of another person entering the room.

"Choromatsu?"

Startled, Choromatsu pushed himself upright to face Karamatsu. Ah, it was just him, but that didn't stop his heart from racing. "Y-yeah?"

Karamatsu eyed him quizzically before lowering his gaze down to the floor, looking at the newspaper he was just looking through. "Are you looking for jobs again?"

Choromatsu desperately wished that he had thrown it away earlier when he had the chance. "Yes of course, I always am." He watched the way Karamatsu's eyes lit up and he feared what he would say next.

"Then we should go and try to get one right now," he gleefully suggested.

Choromatsu twiddled this thumbs in nervousness. He didn't feel like trying to humiliate himself today and especially going out with his dead brother of all people. Hesitating, he was about to politely decline but Karamatsu beat him to it.

"I'm saying it because I feel like today is the right time. So let's try it please?"

He was speechless. He'd never seen Karamatsu this persistent before and Choromatsu wondered why. But with what he said he couldn't just flat out reject him. Sighing, he stood up, "Alright, I'll go to an interview," he reluctantly agreed.

The walk to his interview was the most stressful walking Choromatsu had ever done in his life. They were already half way there but they hadn't said a word to each other since they left the house. Karamatsu seemed fine as he looked around enjoying the little beauty the city provided but Choromatsu was awkward about the whole thing. It unnerved him because usually his brother would ramble on about anything and wouldn't mind if he was ignored but this time he didn't. Instead he walked leisurely, smiling as he watched the events around them pass by.

Choromatsu was honestly curious as to what his brother was thinking, and he thought that should be the first thing to talk about. But wouldn't that be weird? To ask what someone was thinking about to be the very first thing? Panicking, he thought about all the possible conversation starters without sounding too nosy or anything Karamatsu might not appreciate.

"Hey Choromatsu," Karamatsu suddenly said.

Choromatsu snapped his head to face him. "Yeah?"

Karamatsu's small smile stretched wide into a smirk as his eyes glowed. "I really do feel like you're going to perfect that interview."

"Oh." Choromatsu felt awkward again as he scratched the back of his neck, "Ah, thank you I hope so too."

Unbeknownst to them a lady came rushing past Choromatsu, ending up walking right through Karamatsu. Watching with wide eyes, he noticed the way his brother shivered uncomfortably, most likely from not being used to it. A sudden feeling overcame Choromatsu and turning around he called out to her, "Hey please watch where you're going."

The woman stopped and turned to face him, mildly confused and irritated, and Choromatsu suddenly remembered. _Oh that's right, she can't see him…_ Frantically looking around before settling his eyes back to her he continued, "Just- Just…." _Just what? Watch where you're going?_ He knew he could never say that to someone who couldn't even see his brother's ghost but there wasn't anything else he could say. He was stuck and he struggled trying to come up with an excuse.

Karamatsu stepped around in front surprising him. "It's okay," he reassured him, as if the way he shivered with a shocked face earlier never happened. "I don't mind it, really I don't."

Conflicted, Choromatsu looked between him and the lady, who was still impatiently waiting for him to continue, multiple times before slumping his shoulders and sighing. He turned back to her and meekly apologized, "I'm sorry, I just thought that you brushed my shoulder or maybe I was imagining it. I don't know I'm sorry."

Instead of accepting his apology nicely the lady furrowed her brows. "Freak," she spat before whipping back around and walked away. Choromatsu didn't feel the slightest bit offended, he kind of expected a bitter reaction like that. Muttering under his breath he ignored the worried look Karamatsu gave him as they continued their walk.

They were almost there to their destination when Karamatsu suddenly spoke up again much to Choromatsu's anxiousness. "You know brother, you don't have to act so differently… because of the way I am," he announced.

Choromatsu gawked. It wasn't that it was the truth, it was because Karamatsu was damn perceptive as ever. He came close second to Osomatsu who could understand everything that went on. Was it because they were the oldest? He wished he could have that ability but a low self-esteemed nervous ball of wreck like him was impossible. "Wha-what do you mean?" he tried to play off but the hard stare Karamatsu was giving him shattered his chances. His lips pursed into a thin line, being honest was probably the best choice. "I'm sorry," he said.

Seemingly taken aback Karamatsu asked, "For what?"

Choromatsu contemplated for a few seconds, debating whether to actually be up front with it or not, before sighing. "I don't know, I just felt like saying it." He hoped Karamatsu would just dismiss the conversation but he doubted he would.

"Nonsense my brother," Karamatsu shook his head. "There has to be a reason. There's a reason for everything you know. So please tell me what could you possibly be apologizing for."

Eyes trailing to the ground, Choromatsu felt him palms turn sweaty. Why did it have to be so difficult? Was it because his brother was dead? Or was it because he was too late? But if Karamatsu was still around then that meant he had another chance right? Gaining a struggling confidence Choromatsu looked back up into Karamatsu's eyes. "I'm sorry for everything," he admitted. "For never treating you right and always rejecting you. Not just from me but from everyone else, all the way till the very end…" He paused trying to stop the shaking spreading through his body. "How- How can you act so kind to us still after all we did? Don't you want revenge?"

The answer he received was silent and Choromatsu immediately regretted what he said. Karamatsu's eyes widened and then softened as he looked down. Choromatsu was about to correct himself but his brother beat him to it.

"I could never hate my brothers," Karamatsu said softly. He said it with such honestly Choromatsu couldn't form a response. "Even with all that you've done I could never hate you or anyone else because I love you all so much. For the revenge part, I believe one should not seek revenge because in the end, nothing is fixed. The past is the past and we have to move on from it, even if it may be excruciatingly painful. I'm just glad you guys are giving me attention despite what I am now."

After he was done Karamatsu finally looked up and eyed him again. He was smiling but Choromatsu could easily tell that it was strained and he wanted to reach out to him. To tell him it was okay to not be smiling when you're hurt and suffering. He couldn't remember the last time he'd seen Karamatsu so blue before, especially when he attempted to conceal it, and knowing that this could be the first time he ever noticed him that way ripped his heart to shreds. But he didn't have the chance to tell him as Karamatsu hurriedly spoke.

"Anyways we should hurry to our interview. We wouldn't want to be late." Without waiting for a response, Karamatsu continued walking, leaving Choromatsu to stare after him for a few moments before rushing to catch up.

He took a few glances every now and then at Karamatsu, both concerned and guilty and Choromatsu sincerely hoped he could reach out to his brother one day.

Upon reaching the lobby of the building, they saw an assistant working at the front desk. He had made it with a minute to spare and after calming his heart rate he walked up to her. "Um ma'am, I have an interviewer with the boss?"

The assistant stared at him with a raised eyebrow before realization hit her. "Oh yes! We've been waiting for you. Just wait one moment while I make a call to him," she politely said as she reached for the telephone.

Choromatsu stood there stiff as a stick. He was sweating bullets and he felt lightheaded. He knew he would start panicking but it was just too much for him to bear. _I'm going to die. I know I rehearsed my answers hundreds of times but- oh god._ He felt the food from breakfast rising up and feared he would vomit right there and then, on top of the counter and maybe even the lady on the phone. Today was just not the right day to answer ridiculous questions. He should've tried the next week, or the next month, or-

"Choromatsu"

Flinching, he stared at Karamatsu who was eyeing him solemnly. For a second he had forgotten that Karamatsu was with him. He must've been too lost in his mental breakdown. The hard stare from Karamatsu was shifting his feeling from anxiety to uneasiness. "What is it?" he responded, now thinking that he desperately needed water because he his voice sounded dry and raspy.

Karamatsu studied him for a bit longer before letting out a sigh. He then slowly raised his arm, confusing Choromatsu before he realized it, and gave a thumbs up. "I believe in you brother!" he comforted. His smirk grew wide as he winked, his eyes sparking way too much.

Normally, Choromatsu would've rolled his eyes and said a rude comment about how painful he was being. Or in general just straight up ignored him. But he didn't, instead he stood there dumbfounded as his mouth was slightly agape. Not fully understanding why, Karamatsu had always made those kinds of flashy comments, which everyone just ended up berating or ignoring him. So then why did it affect him now?

Choromatsu nodded and smiled, "Thank you." And he meant what he said. This time he took Karamatsu's encouragement to heart because what his brother said actually helped him calm down a little bit.

"Um, Sir?"

Turning to the assistant, he noticed the concerned and unsure look she was giving him. Oh right, she probably thought he was insane because it looked as if he was talking to himself. He wanted to tell her that someone was with him, that his brother was right there reassuring him. If Karamatsu looked exactly the same as he always was, then why couldn't other people see him? "He's waiting up in his office," she said.

Choromatsu thanked her and headed towards the elevator down the lobby. Once the doors opened he stepped inside and turned around, facing the direction he was at earlier. Karamatsu stood in the same spot and he wanted to laugh. Nobody except for his other brothers could see him, yet he chose to stay behind and wait patiently for him to return. Choromatsu honestly didn't mind if Karamatsu came along with him, it wasn't as if they would get in trouble. But he figured his brother wanted to act the same way as if people could see him. He remembered on their walk that Karamatsu stepped around the people that came his way instead of just letting them pass through him.

The door was slowly closing and he saw Karamatsu place a hand on his hip and gave him one last thumbs up just before the door closed all the way and ascended. This time alone to himself, Choromatsu laughed lightheartedly.

The door opened and he walked out and made his way to the large door at the end of the hall. Looking at his hand, he expected to find it shaking uncontrollably, but it remained neutral. In fact, his whole body remained lax and nervous free. It felt strange to him, that a few words from Karamatsu of all people could calm him for something that usually made him a mess of anxiety. Perhaps it was because he started appreciating Karamatsu being there with him.

Reaching the door, he stopped in front of it, took a deep breath, and exhaled. From past experiences, he thought that he was going to be crushed in this interview. But this time he didn't feel that way, this time he had confidence in himself for once. He seemed perfectly fine and it felt amazing as it made him think, _why was I nervous to begin with?_ With one last deep breath, he knocked on the door first before opening it.

When the elevator doors opened, Karamatsu perked up as Choromatsu walked up to him. "Oh, that was fast, how was it?" he asked curiously.

They exited the building and were now walking back home. Choromatsu looked up at the sky and hummed before answering, "For once…it wasn't that bad."

Karamatsu brightened at the positive news. "You see! I told you that you were going to be alright," he cheered. "I say this calls for a celebration. Maybe we should stop by at Chibita's oden stand?"

Choromatsu waived a hand, "No, I don't think so; Osomatsu-niisan said that he's been really cranky lately." He looked over his shoulder back at the building a distance away from them before looking at Karamatsu and smiled. "But you know, honestly I don't think I'm going to get that job in there."

"What? Why?"

He shrugged, "I'm not exactly sure, but I think it's because of the way the boss looked so disinterested in me."

"That-That's nonsense!" Karamatsu argued, "I'm sure that's just the way he normally looks like. But there's a chance you will get the job."

"Nope not a chance," Choromatsu plainly ended. He saw how Karamatsu struggled to come up with what to say next and he felt pity for him. "Thank you though, for believing in me and giving me confidence. Had you not done that I probably would've felt…" He trailed off because a big realizing came to his mind. Out of all the job interviews he had done, which were too many to count, it was the first time that he walked out feeling like he wasn't humiliated, degraded, and embarrassed. A surge of happiness and pride spread throughout him because he couldn't believe it, and it was all thanks to someone.

Karamatsu's eyes widened as he was genuinely surprised. Choromatsu never finished his sentence but he didn't need to because Karamatsu understood it perfectly. Grinning, he held his chin between his thumb and index finger.

"You're very welcome, my brother."

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 _Please leave a review! :)_


	4. Chapter 4

Sitting on the floor in the living room, Ichimatsu waved a feathered toy in front of a stray cat. He decided to stay home today because the news channel predicted that it was going to rain sometime later on. Even if it wasn't going to rain, he would've stayed home anyways. His brothers had been a constant pain recently and he finally had the chance to be alone to himself. It had been a long time since he could pick up and play with a stray cat and he was going to make sure that no one was going to bother him. If only peace like this could last all day.

All his hopes seemed to die when the door slid open revealing a lazy Osomatsu scratching his stomach under his hoodie. He eyed Ichimatsu with a blank stare before walking to the coffee table and grabbing a magazine and flopping down on the couch.

Ichimatsu acknowledged his brother entering the room but didn't say a word and neither did Osomatsu. _Good_ he thought. If Osomatsu kept his mouth shut and left him alone then he wouldn't mind if he was in the same room with him. Focusing back to the cat, he started waiving the toy feather in front of it again. He should've been happy that he was finally spending time with a cat since he hadn't had the chance to in over a week, but for some irritating reason there was still that nagging feeling in his chest. He brushed it off, he could worry about it some other time.

"Hey, Ichimatsu"

Ichimatsu stopped waiving the toy but he refused to look up. He wanted to scream. He was a fool to think it could've been quiet in the same room with Osomatsu. "What," he hissed.

The older didn't seem affected by the poison in his response. Scratching his behind and flipping through another page, he did not up look at him once. "You know, you should go talk to Karamatsu," he said as if there was no care in the world.

"What?" Ichimatsu repeated but more exasperated. He finally tore is eyes off of the cat and glared at him. He didn't think Osomatsu would say something so absurd out of the blue, but then again his brother was always full of surprises.

Osomatsu turned another page nonchalantly, acting as if he never even heard him which only bothered him more. "I'm sure he would like that."

It went silent again as Ichimatsu was speechless. Was he not aware of the kind of relationship he had with Karamatsu? Did he not understand that he would rather die than to spend time with that painful guy? Annoyance grew into rage as he spat, "No, I refuse. Why should I spend time spend time with that Shittymatsu? He's dead, he shouldn't even be here in the first place." It was harsh, cold, and direct and Ichimatsu knew it but he didn't have the time nor patience to deal with Osomatsu if this was going to be the topic of their conversation.

Still glaring daggers, he saw the way Osomatsu shrugged. He just shrugged his damn shoulders, as if his response meant absolutely nothing. "It's your decision," was all he plainly said.

Ichimatsu didn't respond back because he couldn't think of anything to say. If Osomatsu was going to be that way then so be it. He turned his attention back to his cat and realized he had gripped the toy stick harder. It hadn't even been 10 seconds and he already felt extremely uncomfortable, and he was positively sure that Osomatsu had intended it to be that way too.

No longer able to handle it, he abruptly stood up, startling the cat to dash out of the room. "I'm going out to buy some cat food," he announced and without waiting for a reply, he rushed out of the room. He didn't look back but he didn't need to. Because he could feel Osomatsu's smirk and gaze burning into the back of his head. That smug bastard.

Reaching the door down the hallway, Ichimatsu ripped it open and was about to step out but he stumbled back in fright and surprise. "You- you!"

On the other side of the door, Karamatsu stood there with an arm stretched out, as if he was about to open the door but Ichimatsu had beaten him to it. He stared at him in shock and surprise too but then quickly smiled and greeted him. "Good afternoon brother. What a nice surprise to see you, we haven't talked in quite a while."

"Shut up," Ichimatsu sneered. Alive or dead Karamatsu would always act like that and it drove him crazy. Actually, why did he even step back when he saw him? It wasn't as if he would bump into him if he had kept walking.

A sudden idea popped into his mind. If Karamatsu couldn't touch others, then he could no longer be considered in his way ever again. Just for the fun of it he continued walking, making Karamatsu flinch as he walked through him. Ichimatsu stopped once Karamatsu was behind him and looked at his hands. It felt as if Karamatsu was never there in the first place.

Looking back, he noticed the way Karamatsu's shoulders hunched over. His fists were clenching and he was shaking. Ichimatsu suddenly felt guilty for what he had done. Eye's trailing to the ground on the side, he thought back to what Osomatsu had said earlier.

 _I'm sure he would like that_

He heard some shuffling and Ichimatsu looked back up to see Karamatsu taking a step into the house. His heart raced and he bit his lip. Without thinking, he called his name. "Hey Karamatsu… you can come with me if you want," he muttered.

Karamatsu turned around and stared at him in pure shock. Ichimatsu didn't mind it though, even he was surprised himself to say such a thing he'd never thought he'd ever say in his life. But like when he was with Osomatsu he didn't have the patience for his answer. "I'm giving you five seconds before I leave."

In an instant Karamatsu scrambled towards him. He tripped over his feet but he didn't fall, and Ichimatsu wondered if he could feel pain when he was dead. Once he caught up, Ichimatsu continued walking without a word leaving his brother to follow along.

It was already drizzling and Ichimatsu figured it would be pouring later on which meant he had to hurry. He thought it would be a quiet walk, thinking that Karamatsu would get the message that he wasn't in the mood, but of course he didn't understand. Karamatsu would never understand and Ichimatsu had told him plenty of times to shut up but he just wouldn't shut up.

"So you remember how Choromatsu went to an interview last week? Well the company called him back saying they could let him be an intern for a while to see if he's fit for the job. I'm so proud of him," Karamatsu rambled on.

"I don't care," Ichimatsu deadpanned. By this point, they had already gone to the pet store to retrieve the cat food and were now heading back home, and he already regretted bringing his brother with him.

"Also Todomatsu said he bought some more fishing bait and he said we could go fishing this weekend. Do you think you'd like to come with us?"

Ichimatsu gritted his teeth, "No, now shut up."

"Hey Ichimatsu…is there something wrong?" and Karamatsu sounded genuinely worried and it was too much for him to handle.

It was the last straw and Ichimatsu stopped walking and finally snapped. "I said shut up! What don't you get? You are dead yet you talk so damn much! I can never get any peace and quiet with you around!" His chest was heaving and that nagging feeling was growing larger and heavier. This was bad, was he panicking?

Karamatsu looked at him horrified. But his arched eyebrows soon furrowed as they were pinched together. He looked torn and broken and Ichimatsu's chest started to hurt because he couldn't bare seeing his brother like that. "What…" Karamatsu whispered, his voice shook and it was weak. "Just what did I do wrong? Just please tell me what I did wrong because I don't understand." He was practically begging now as his eyes pleaded for answers.

However, the thing was Ichimatsu didn't have answers because he was afraid. But afraid of what? Being honest? And what was he afraid of admitting? Ever since the day Karamatsu came back the realization flooded through his mind. All the memories of being so cruel to his brother had weighed his heart down so much. It ate him away to the point that he figured it was too late to make amends. Too late to correct his past mistakes. But Karamatsu was there with him so he could start now couldn't he? But that was the problem though… he may be here, but that didn't mean he could come back.

Because once someone died they could never come back.

Karamatsu was just a fragment, meaning that he wasn't truly there. So what difference did it make to be honest? He'd never regretted so much for all the things he had done to his brother. Not an ounce of respect ever since they first spoke to each other when they were little, and even after Karamatsu had died he still acted the same way. And it ruined Ichimatsu his whole life to the core.

He remembered hearing Todomatsu talk about the time they went to a café and fished together and Choromatsu telling him about the amount of confidence Karamatsu had given him for his job interview. Normally, Ichimatsu would nod but he wouldn't show much interest, but what actually got his attention was how _happy_ they were when they talked about it. The whole time they spoke they were both smiling because they were with their brother. Their dead brother. And it confused Ichimatsu to no end. He remembered Todomatsu saying he wouldn't give up and that there was still a chance. At first Ichimatsu didn't understand, but now looking at Karamatsu, who was still desperately waiting, he could now understand why.

Biting his lip, Ichimatsu looked at the ground and scratched his head frantically. He was aware of how difficult it was to be honest but when you've gone that deep in guilt it was almost impossible. Squinting, he looked up to see Karamatsu. His face now contorted to worry, presumably from the way he was moving around so much, but he was still standing there, waiting.

Taking a deep breath, he kept his hands on his head and shut his eyes. It was now or never and Ichimatsu refused to mess it up. "I-I…I'm _sorry_. I'm so so sorry for everything."

When Karamatsu didn't respond he panicked and thought if he had messed up. He knew it, he was too late. Hesitantly opening his eyes, he saw Karamatsu standing still. His eyes trailed from his feet slowly upwards and upon reaching his face, Ichimatsu's eyes widened.

There Karamatsu was, his mouth agape as tears streamed down his cheeks from his unblinking eyes, and it worried Ichimatsu because that wasn't the reaction he was expecting. "Karamatsu dammit- don't you dare cry on me be-because if you do…" his throat felt tight and his eyes stung. Ah, so that emotion finally caught up to him, he thought as he finally let go, letting his tears fall. "Then I'll cry too..."

He didn't notice when Karamatsu approached him, but when he did he flinched when his brother brought both hands up to rest against his cheeks, close enough to where it wouldn't go through but to make it look as if he was actually touching him. The loss of feeling pained him, because it served to remind him that he wasn't alive anymore.

"It's okay," Karamatsu whispered, bringing their foreheads close and closing his eyes, "I forgive you."

Ichimatsu's lips quivered. Even if that wasn't what he expected, perhaps he had expected a harsher response, he was still so ecstatic and _relieved_. Relishing the feeling of being so close to Karamatsu he finally let go. "I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry…."

They didn't know how long they had been standing there in the middle of the path but they felt the drizzle turn into a down pour. Ichimatsu shivered as he was soaked head to toe and Karamatsu looked at him. "We should go home," he suggested.

Ichimatsu meekly nodded, too tired to say anything more. He was about to start walking but Karamatsu interrupted him by reaching out to grab his hand. As always it just went through his hand and Ichimatsu smirked. "You fool, you can't touch people remember?"

Karamatsu pulled away embarrassed and chuckled. "My apologies, I don't think I can ever get used to it." He looked around their surroundings and Ichimatsu was going to ask but Karamatsu lit up in delight. "Ah, my brother, could you hold on for a minute?"

Shrugging, Ichimatsu watched him jog a few meters away. Karamatsu bent over and picked up a short brown stick and he suddenly realized his idea. He waited for him to come back but he noticed how Karamatsu was just standing there craning his neck up and looking at the cloudy sky. He stared blankly as the rain fell on his face but he seemed unaffected by it. His eyes weren't blinking and his mouth was parted and Ichimatsu was growing skeptical.

"Karamatsu?" he called out, snapping his brother's attention out of whatever he was entranced in earlier.

Karamatsu was now looking at him but Ichimatsu saw a wave of emotions flash through his face. The older quickly jogged back to him and apologized, "Sorry, I was just so amazed by the beauty of the rain."

It was a lie of course, and eyeing him Ichimatsu thought about bringing it up but he decided against it. Instead, he just groaned and pointed at the stick in his hand. Karamatsu smiled fondly and offered the stick to him, "Since we can't hold hands then-"

"I never wanted to hold hands with you in the first place," Ichimatsu interrupted, but there was a lightness to it, and his smile was evident enough to make Karamatsu laugh.

"Well like I said," he continued, "If we can't hold hands directly then we can use this stick to hold hands indirectly."

Ichimatsu rolled his eyes, "That sounds so dumb." But that didn't stop him from reaching out and grabbing the opposite end of the stick.

They continued walking back home and Ichimatsu knew just how weird he looked. He was holding a stick out to the side of him which he received strange looks from by passers. He didn't care though, he never cared about the judgement from others other than his family.

"We should hurry home before you get sick," Karamatsu said

Ichimatsu waived it off, "I don't care I'm too tired."

Karamatsu wanted to argue, he really wanted to, he always had concerns over the wellbeing of his family, but his lips grew into a smile as he nodded. "Of course."

During the whole walk to their house Ichimatsu kept giving Karamatsu side glances. It was true that he would never get all those moments when he had mistreated him back. It will bother him probably for the rest of his life, and he hoped that his brother really did forgive him. But even if Karamatsu secretly didn't, he would take into consideration about what Todomatsu had told him.

About not giving up.

It was muggy and cloudy and overall dead looking but Ichimatsu felt like the sun's rays were shining down on him. The healing process might take a long time and might never even fully heal but he was working on it, and he hoped he could fix it by starting now. _Yeah, that sounds like a good idea_ , he thought as he unconsciously gripped the stick harder. That sounded like something he could definitely try.

* * *

 _Not gonna lie but...this really got me. I'm proud of you Ichi :')_

 _Thank you for reading! Please leave a review! They really mean a lot :)_


	5. Chapter 5

"Ne ne Karamatsu pass me some more cash," Osomatsu asked, keeping his focus on the rotating images in front of him.

"Osomatsu I don't think that's a good idea…you already wasted more than half of everyone's money so maybe we should quit for today?" Karamatsu weakly protested.

The two were playing pachinko, much to Karamatsu's dismay and pleading not to go. The morning Osomatsu had woken up he asked the younger, more like demanded, to come with him and try to win some money. So there they were, siting under the way too bright lights and loud blaring music, wasting away their money because Osomatsu hadn't earned even a single coin.

Pouting, Osomatsu finally took his eyes off of the machine he had been staring for hours and looked at Karamatsu. "But I felt like I was going to win…"

"I'm sure you'll win big brother," Karamatsu reassured as he stood up from his chair, "Just not today."

The moment they stepped outside of the building Osomatsu shivered. When he first got there the sun was high in the sky but now it disappeared leaving the sky black. Had it really been that long since they were in there? It didn't really matter to him either way, it wasn't the first time it had happened.

They walked down the street in silence, both of them not minding it and enjoying each other's company. Osomatsu was freezing cold but he felt warm at the same time. He never knew Karamatsu could give off that much heat despite him being dead. Stifling a yawn, he shuffled closer to him until they were almost touching shoulders, even though he knew that would never happen. That was much better, Osomatsu thought.

The peaceful silence didn't last long though as a growl from his stomach pierced through their ears. Placing a hand on his stomach Osomatsu turned his head towards Karamatsu, who eyed him with a raised eyebrow and in amusement. "I forgot I hadn't eaten since we left the house this morning," he sheepishly said.

Karamatsu's smile turned into a frown, "You know it's not good to not eat three times a day brother. I worry for your health because I noticed you haven't been eating as much as you used to." He placed his index and thumb under his chin and pondered. "You make it look like as if Choromatsu eats more than you now."

"Hmmmm," Osomatsu hummed in response, locking his fingers together behind his head as he looked away, "I wonder why."

Raising a finger, Karamatsu asked, "Why don't you get something to eat before we head home? It's hours past dinner and we both know the others wouldn't save you a bite."

Osomatsu perked up at the idea. "Yeah, that sounds like a good idea, let's stop by Chibita's then."

"But Choromatsu told me that you said he wasn't-"

"Ah who cares," he waved off, "Personal life shouldn't effect business." Karamatsu didn't look like he was satisfied with that answer but he didn't say anything more.

Upon reaching Chibita's oden stand they were relieved when they saw that he had food cooking. Osomatsu rushed, with Karamatsu following closely behind, and sat down on the stools. Chibita had a surprised look on his face and was about to speak but Osomatsu was faster. "I'll have the usual," he said. He turned to look at Karamatsu, "Do you want to eat? I actually don't have money but I'm sure Chibita would let us off the hook like always."

Karamatsu gave him a small smile," Ah brother, you know that I can't eat anything…" he reminded.

Osomatsu gazed at him for a moment before snickering. "Whoops I totally forgot." The younger was still eyeing him with an unsure look and that made his smile drop. "Okay, I'll admit I didn't forget but I was just joking, I swear."

Chibita handed Osomatsu the bowl of oden without a word, casting a few looks towards him every now and then but Osomatsu pretended he didn't notice and started eating. He had a few chit chats with Karamatsu about the most random things in the world as always, which were mostly about girls and money, while Karamatsu nodded his head and listened attentively.

To Osomatsu, it felt sort of soothing, being able to talk to Karamatsu freely because the last time he did was when his brother was in a casket when the lid was open in the church more than three weeks ago. It stung his heart every time he remembered but he swallowed it down and moved on. He refused to think about how Karamatsu's corpse was in the process of rotting away.

"Hey Osomatsu…who are you talking to?"

The two both looked at Chibita, who had stopped wiping his plates. He was staring at Osomatsu with large, fearful, and questionable eyes. Karamatsu and Osomatsu solemnly looked at each other before Osomatsu responded to Chibita. Leaning close to him over the counter, he put a hand to the side of his mouth as if what he was about to say was a secret. "You might not believe it Chibita, but I'm talking to Karamatsu."

Chibita eyes widened as he lost his grip and dropped his plate, letting it shatter on the pavement making the brothers flinch. "What- What did you just say, idjit?"

Lips growing into a wide smirk, Osomatsu continued. "I'm being serious here. Like Karamatsu is literally sitting down right next to me. I don't know why you can't see him but me and the rest of us NEETs can." He looked back at Karamatsu, who squinted at Chibita in thought before returning his gaze. "Right Karamatsu?"

Karamatsu nodded in agreement but a loud slam on the table had them both looking at Chibita in bewilderment. His hands were on the counter and he was stiff as a board, his eyes were glossy and they wondered if Chibita was going to cry right in front of them. "Oh my god, please, Osomatsu don't do this."

Osomatsu raised a brow, "Don't do what? I'm speaking the truth-"

"No you are not!" Chibita screeched. "Don't you see, idjit? Karamatsu is dead! He doesn't exist anymore so stop acting like he does!" At that point his hands were clenched and he was profusely shaking. "So please…" he begged, "Stop living in the past and just accept the fact that he's dead."

"Chibita…" Karamatsu trailed off. Choromatsu had told him that Chibita wasn't like himself and he could finally see why. Chibita stood there biting his lip while glaring daggers at his older brother, trying to convince him with his eyes. He knew there was something seriously wrong with him and he wanted to let Osomatsu know but the other abruptly stood up.

"Fine then," Osomatsu seethed, looking down on Chibita. "I don't care if you believe me or not but don't you _dare_ tell me that I need to move on. You don't fucking know what it's like to lose someone, Chibita." He shoved his hand in his pocket and pulled out the little amount of coins he had and threw them on the counter. "I'm trying okay? I'm really, _really_ trying. But when you see their fucking ghost around and they can't even remember how they died it's just impossible." With that, he turned around stomped away, leaving Karamatsu looking back and forth between him and Chibita.

Studying him, Karamatsu wanted to reach out to Chibita, who was now slowly picking up the shattered plate with a grim expression. He couldn't help but feel like there was a connection between them, as if he knew what was wrong with him. He wasn't exactly sure what it was but he knew that there was more to it than just grieving his passing.

But because Chibita couldn't see him, Karamatsu had to let it go, there was someone else who needed him at the moment. Bidding his friend farewell, he stood up and rushed after his brother.

Quietly, Osomatsu wriggled out of his futon, trying not to awake their brothers from their slumber, and made his way onto the balcony. He sighed, it was another night that he couldn't get a minute of sleep. He was tired, tired as hell, but every time he laid in bed his mind wouldn't rest.

It was the middle of the night, he figured somewhere around three in the morning, and being in his pajamas made the chilly air bite his skin. If he wasn't going to get any sleep then he might as well keep himself awake. Resting an elbow on the wooden railing, he placed his palm under his chin and stared across the city's lights.

Karamatsu had kept bugging him over the incident from earlier but he always brushed him off. He kept ignoring him, which in return he received confused and worried looks from the others, until Karamatsu gave up and let him have his space. He still couldn't believe he admitted the truth for him to hear and he berated himself mentally for doing so. Now thinking about it, he wondered what Karamatsu thought. About not being able to move on because he was still around. Of course it was difficult, Osomatsu thought, how could you pretend someone wasn't there when you desperately wanted to be with them again?

Cracking a smile, Osomatsu closed his eyes. As much as he was grateful his wish of Karamatsu coming back came true, he started to regret that decision. Wasn't there that saying of being careful what you wish for? He realized he should've never taken those words for granted. Life was such a cruel joke.

"Osomatsu?"

He turned around to find Karamatsu peeking behind the screen door. Only his hands and head were visible, giving off the impression of whether he should go out or not. Osomatsu sighed again, it seemed that his brother wasn't going to give up quite yet. "You can join me," he said, choosing to give in.

Karamatsu's eyes lit up as he closed the door behind him and stood next to Osomatsu. "What are you doing out here in the cold night?" he asked

"I can't sleep," Osomatsu said honestly. "And why are you out here hm?"

"Because I knew you would be out here, especially when there's something troubling you. But the point is that it's freezing out here. I may not feel it but I can tell it is and I wouldn't want you to get sick." Karamatsu was deeply concerned and Osomatsu wanted him to stop caring about his well-being all the time.

Osomatsu laughed, "And that's coming from a dead guy."

Karamatsu's eyes lingered on him for a few more seconds before he looked ahead of him. They both stood there silent, listening to the crickets sing and the late night drivers' engines hum down the street. It was nights like these that made Osomatsu itch for something in his pocket.

Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a pack of cigarettes and opened the box. He ignored the gasp from the other as he took a cigarette and lit it with his lighter. Bringing it to his lips he took probably the longest drag he had ever done. There was that familiar burn in his chest and he missed it so dearly. He didn't care about the side effects; he didn't want to waste the night staring at the barely visible stars. Pulling it out, he blew the grey smoke into the air, watching it dissipate with dull eyes.

He forgot that he had company when Karamatsu broke the silence. "I-I thought you quit?" he said stunned, "How long?"

That was true, he really did try to quit before. But of course, when something unexpected and drastic crashed into your life it was hard keeping your streak. Before answering he took another drag and blew out the smoke. "I did quit," he responded plainly, "But after you died I went right back."

"Well I'm here now so you'll try quitting again, right?" Karamatsu tried reasoning.

"You know…" Osomatsu leaned back away from the wooden railing and turned his full attention to him. "You're not really there, or at least not physically."

Karamatsu looked shocked albeit dejected. His mouth hanged slightly opened but no words came out, because he didn't know what to say to that. Osomatsu took that cue to laugh, one that sounded forceful and sorrowful. He craned his neck up, squinting at the sky while taking another drag. "I should've been the one to die first," he suddenly admitted. He heard incoherent noises and felt amused by the reaction; he really must've surprised his brother big time.

"What?" Karamatsu said after getting himself together. "Osomatsu- why would you say that?"

Why would he say that? He wasn't sure if it was the tobacco affecting him or not but he meant what he said. "I guess it's because my sense of responsibility, that's all. I know I'm older than you by only a few minutes but still. I always had this thought that right after our parents I would be the one to die next, not you."

Karamatsu gave a wary smile. "But brother, you know that what happened couldn't have been avoided. We can't control the time of our death."

"I know that Karamatsu!" he snapped. "It's just- I can't-," he couldn't come up with a reasonable answer because Karamatsu just didn't understand. How could he experience the pain he and the others felt when he was the one who was dead? Maybe if he had been the one who died first then Karamatsu would understand. He figured that he would be okay when Karamatsu came back into their life but as time passed, he realized he still wasn't. And he'll never be okay. Losing someone was so excruciatingly aching and unbearable. Maybe that was why he said those words to Karamatsu, it was because he knew he wouldn't be able to handle it.

"Osomatsu listen to me," Karamatsu demanded, desperately trying to get his brother to pay attention to him and understand. He wanted to grab his shoulders and force him to face his direction. "I understand, okay? I _know._ It's not the same pain as how you feel it but it hurts me too. It's because I'm separated from everyone I love and left them to suffer. It puts me in so much agony because the last thing I ever wanted to do in my life was to see them cry because of _me_. Is that something you want? Do you want to leave your friends and family behind only to see them so miserable? It's awful, brother, but I'm glad that it was me instead and not you. So please, don't ever say something so nonsensical ever again."

Dropping his cigarette, Osomatsu stared at him with wide eyes. He wanted to punish himself for not taking into consideration of Karamatsu's own feelings. What a fool he was. He felt his eyes water but he quickly blinked them away. "I'm sorry, Karamatsu," he apologized, "I guess I really am a shitty brother…"

"Now don't say it like that," Karamatsu said, "But honestly I do feel somewhat better after saying that."

Osomatsu pointed his thumb at his chest, "Heh, I guess you can still rely on me even when you're just a ghost!"

"The same to you, you can always come to me whenever you're hurting."

Shaking his head, Osomatsu smiled, "There's no need to do that, and I can handle my feelings on my own." He'd been doing it ever since he was young anyways, changing that now would feel weird. He was someone who others leaned on, not the other way around.

"One day," Karamatsu announced, breaking away his thought. He was looking at him with such confidence that it made Osomatsu stand frozen. "One day you'll crack. From all the burdens you've carried your whole life and when you do, I'll be there for you. I can promise you that."

Osomatsu was silent for a moment. When had Karamatsu grown up so big? he wondered. Karamatsu had changed so much and he just noticed. Grinning, he rubbed his index finger under his nose. "Oh really? Well I'll take your word for it then." It was an agreement. He agreed to never break apart. Karamatsu would just have to stay here with him and be a NEET forever, and that sounded like something he could be fine with.

A sudden gust of wind had him shivering hard, and Karamatsu noticed. "I believe we should head back inside, we've been out here for way too long," he suggested.

Osomatsu nodded and crushed the cigarette bud on the ground before following the other inside the bedroom. A small rush of joy flooded through him when he noticed Todomatsu had rolled over in Karamatsu's spot next Ichimatsu. He would never admit it, but he felt like being next to Karamatsu for a little longer.

The two slipped under the covers stealthily and pulled the blankets over themselves. Like that moment some hours ago, Osomatsu felt heat coming out from Karamatsu. He didn't understand why but he didn't have the care to think at the moment, his eyelids felt heavy and he yawned. Looking at the other, he noticed how Karamatsu was out like a light. He snickered. His brother was still the same being a heavy sleeper. He scooted a little closer and closed his eyes. Maybe he could fall asleep this time.

During that night, he managed to sleep soundly.

* * *

 _You know who's next ;)_

 _Please leave a review! It keeps me motivated and it really means a lot! :)_


	6. Chapter 6

"Okay, since you're the last one to get up you have to put the futon up," Todomatsu ordered as he left the bedroom.

Jyushimatsu raised a salute, "Aye!" In a quick motion, he rolled up the futon and hoisted it up with ease. He was usually always the first one waking up before the others, like three hours earlier, to do his morning baseball practices. But lately he started being the last one to wake up and he wasn't sure why. He didn't mind it all that much but what he also realized was that he hadn't been practicing baseball as much either. It had been two days since he last swung his bat and to him that felt like a thousand years.

Opening the closet door, he shoved the rolled futon onto the upper shelf. Satisfied, he was about to close it until a familiar old object caught his eye. He bent down and reached out to grab it.

It was Karamatsu's guitar. Dust had accumulated on the wooden surface, indicating it had not been touched in a while, so Jyushimatsu blew it off. The instrument wasn't in the best shape, there were cat scratches on the wood and one of the string was broken. Honestly to him it looked beaten up and in no shape to play. Was Karamatsu even aware that one of his prized possessions had been hiding in the closet? The others most likely didn't care for it, they probably considered it trash. But Jyushimatsu cared, he cared a lot. That musical object had brought him a lot of great memories with Karamatsu.

When was the last time they sang together on the roof?

An idea popped like a balloon in his head and he dashed out of the room and into the living room. Everyone was in there, perfecting the definition of laziness at its finest. He spotted the second oldest lying down on the sofa reading one of his fashion magazines. Grin widening, he ran towards him in a flash, startling the other when he skidded to a halt.

"Jyu-Jyushimatsu?" Karamatsu stuttered. His eyes shifted between him and the guitar clutched in his hands.

Jyushimatsu tilted his head and extended his arms, bringing the instrument closer to Karamatsu's face. "Let's sing on the roof today!"

He watched Karamatsu's face form a look from astonishment to a gentle and warm smile. "I would be honored," he agreed.

Jyushimatsu skipped away joyfully as the older followed along. They didn't notice the exchange of looks from the others in the room as they left.

When they sat down on the roof, Jyushimatsu handed Karamatsu the guitar. "Is it still alright to play it?" he asked in concern.

Karamatsu took it and examined it carefully. His fingers brushed over the scars and he twisted the tuning knobs while playing a few chords. "I think it's fine," he concluded contently, "It's not in the best shape since one of the strings are broken but it's still playable."

"That's great!" Jyushimatsu cheered, "Let's play the sextuplet song like always hmm?"

The two sang their hearts out together. Karamatsu strumming chords and singing while Jyushimatsu joined him or went solo at certain parts. The fresh air of the late morning felt great for the both of them. It had always been a great stress or sadness reliever but overall they both just had a passion for singing, especially when it was with someone else. Jyushimatsu felt his heart beating faster by the minute, adrenaline rushing through him as he went along with the melody. It felt like it had been so long singing with his brother, and he missed it so much. He hadn't been feeling like himself recently so he was grateful when Karamatsu complied to his request.

When the song ended, they both took a break to catch their breaths. Jyushimatsu's eyes wandered over to his brother and saw how he was gazing at his guitar with a gentle expression. He looked so happy and Jyushimatsu was glad he was able to make him feel that way. He never told anyone, but at times he noticed how Karamatsu would sometimes look distant, as if he was deep in thought. Sometimes it lasted long enough to the point Jyushimatsu had called out his name a few times. He didn't like it when Karamatsu made that face. After all that happened he wanted him to be smiling and laughing all the time, and Jyushimatsu was determined to make it that way.

"Ne Karamatsu-niisan," he spoke up after a few minutes "Why do you like playing the guitar?"

Karamatsu looked up from his instrument and stared at him. "Why do I like playing it?"

"Uhn!" he nodded, "Even when you're not the best at it." He didn't mean to sound rude in any way, he was openly curious. But it was true that Karamatsu wasn't the best at playing the guitar. He remembered hearing a few wrong notes during the song from earlier and even from times long ago, but he didn't blame him.

Looking back at his instrument, Karamatsu caressed it with loving eyes. "I play it because I love it," he answered. "It's not about whether you're good at it or not, little Jyushimatsu. It's about whether you enjoy it or not. Even if I'm not the best musician, I find a lot of enjoyment from playing it. The faint rush through your body when you feel the music, the struggle figuring out what chords you need to play next, all that and so much more. Everything about it is why I love playing the guitar."

He turned to face the other and smiled, "Music is freedom, Jyushimatsu. The best music comes from the heart, not from talent. It's similar to when you play baseball is it not?

Dumbfounded, Jyushimatsu looked down at his hands hidden in his sleeves and squeezed them. "Freedom…?" he echoed. Everyone always complimented about how great he was at baseball but he knew he wasn't the best. The games he'd seen plenty of times on television had hundreds of other players who were professionals and played way better than him. Rarely, it discouraged him, but Karamatsu had a point. Without baseball he couldn't even think of anything else to enjoy.

"You're right!" he beamed, "But I think you're the best guitar player in the world!" And he sincerely believed so.

"R-Really?" Karamatsu said surprised, looking taken aback. "Ah, well thank you for your kind words."

Jyushimatsu remained quiet as he listened to Karamatsu play another song but without words. He was ecstatic that his brother came back to them, to him. He was here and with him and Jyushimatsu couldn't have asked for anything more. But sometimes he wished Karamatsu wasn't the way he was. He could still play with him but he wanted other people who weren't his brother to see them playing together, not as if he was playing by himself. He wished he could wrap his arms around and squeeze Karamatsu or play with his cheeks or hair. That was what bothered him the most.

But most of all, he wished he was alive.

Heart suddenly feeling heavy, he curled himself into a ball and hugged his knees. Karamatsu might've felt like he was alive and well, but he wasn't. The days of singing with him on the roof and playing baseball with him was still possible but it just didn't feel the same. He should've felt overjoyed that he was spending time with him right now, but he wasn't.

"Jyushimatsu? Wha- What's wrong? Why are you crying?"

Mouth agape and face blank, he touched his cheek with his sleeve. Pulling it back, he saw the fabric with splotches of his tears. "Oh…" he whispered. When did those get there?

Karamatsu panicked. "Jyushimatsu what's wrong? Are you okay? Are you hurt? Was it something I did?"

Jyushimatsu looked at his distressed state. Of course it was because of what he did, or more like what he was. Everyone's tears for the past few weeks were all because of him. Biting his quivering lips, he resisted the urge to lunge at him. It would do him no good and it would possibly get him hurt, but he desperately wanted to try even when he knew what the outcome was.

But he did anyways. Without thinking, he reached out and jumped on Karamatsu, who yelped at the sudden action. Jyushimatsu fell ungracefully and landed on top of the guitar while Karamatsu sprung up and moved to his side.

"What are you doing? You're going to get…hurt," Karamatsu's eyes widened when Jyushimatsu weakly started trying to grab him multiple times.

"I want to hold you," he sobbed loudly. "I want to squish your cheeks, I want to play with your hair, I want to hug you, I want you to come _back_."

Karamatsu remained still and downcast as he let Jyushimatsu wail, letting his futile attempts of grabbing him continue. There was nothing he could do, so he just waited it out until the younger finally calmed down. His excessive cries left his eyes red and he hiccupped often. When it became silent, Karamatsu tried again. "Are you okay now?" he asked.

Sniffing, Jyushimatsu nodded his head feverishly. "Yeah, I'm perfectly fine now! I'm sorry I acted that way."

Karamatsu shook his head. "No it's okay, I understand how painful it must be…" he trailed off gravely.

Jyushimatsu took in a sharp breath before relaxing. "Do you want to come see me practice baseball?" he offered. It might not work, trying to convince his brother that he was fine, but it was worth a shot.

"Yes, of course," Karamatsu responded without hesitation, "Anything for my little Jyushimatsu."

He giggled at that. It was as if his episode earlier never happened.

Jyushimatsu jumped off the roof and ran inside the house, fetching his bat and ball before meeting Karamatsu outside the house. The two leisurely walked to Jyushimatsu's destination.

"Where are we going?" Karamatsu asked after some time while looking around their surroundings, "I don't remember walking this direction to the practice field."

Throwing the ball up into the air and catching it, Jyushimatsu grinned. "Nope! We aren't going to the usual practice field! We're going to a place where I usually go alone, it's my favorite spot!" It definitely was. It had the most beautiful view and it was the place where he met the woman of his life. "We're going to the beach by the cliffs!"

"The cliffs?" Karamatsu asked bewilderedly. He looked up and pondered, "I don't think I've ever been there before."

Jyushimatsu rapidly shook his head. "No, you haven't! That's why I want to show you because it's one of the best places to swing my bat."

"Heh, well I look forward to it," Karamatsu said.

It took them another ten-minute walk of more brotherly conversations until they finally reached the area. They walked down the grassy hill to the beach shore below and took in the sight. Even though Jyushimatsu had been here multiple times already it still amazed him to no end. The weather wasn't the best, it was cloudy and a bit muggy from the rain all last week, but the sand still glistened and the ocean still appeared crystal clear, like it wasn't bothered by the weather at all.

Jyushimatsu stretched his back by reaching upwards, the sound of his spine popping felt refreshing. He couldn't believe that he hadn't been here for two days. He whipped around to see Karamatsu staring out into the ocean horizon. "Well what do you think?" he asked joyfully, kicking the sand in pleasure. "Do you like this place too?"

Karamatsu didn't recognize Jyushimatsu asking a question at first but soon snapped out of his daze. "Oh, yes of course, the sweet smell from the ocean and light breeze from the wind makes this an exceptional area for practice. Not just practice though, but also for relaxing and peacefulness of course."

Jyushimatsu didn't care about the unnecessary description but his brother seemed pleased about it and that's all that mattered to him. "I'm glad you like it," he said. _I'm glad that you're happy,_ he wanted to say but he didn't think thoughts like those needed to be voiced out. "Do you want to practice with me?" he asked instead.

He somewhat expected his brother to say yes, but that wasn't the answer he got though. Karamatsu looked at him for a moment before answering. "As much as I'd love to like the good old times, I would have to decline your generous offer. I'm sorry, brother."

He didn't deny that he was a little disappointed by his response, but Jyushimatsu reassured him anyways. "It's fine Karamatsu-niisan! People aren't always in the mood to play every day, right?"

Karamatsu's eyes softened. "Thank you for understanding, my little Jyushimatsu. It really means a lot. I still apologize though-" he was cut off when Jyushimatsu swung that bat down on his head, not hard, but enough to make him flinch.

"Don't apologize!" he said, "I don't like it when Karamatsu-niisan says sorry to me..." It bothered him when Karamatsu did that. He should be the one apologizing and asking for forgiveness, not Karamatsu. Never Karamatsu

"Oh-oh…" Karamatsu rubbed his head in confusion. Jyushimatsu gave a triumphed noise, he might not be able to touch him with his hands, but he could still do something with objects. "But I can still watch you practice of course!" Karamatsu quickly suggested.

Jyushimatsu brightened at that. "Yeah that sounds great! I'll show you how much I have improved. I'll even blow you away!" He ferociously swung his bat a few times as an example.

"Those swings look pretty powerful…" Karamatsu hesitated. He stepped back to give Jyushimatsu some distance, mainly to avoid getting hit. "I'll watch from here okay?'

Nodding, Jyushimatsu set his bat up and stance facing the ocean. He repeated most of his regular swings but put in a few bunts every now and then. Karamatsu was standing behind him and he giggled at imagining the expression he would make when he made hard and fast swings. _I want to impress him,_ he thought as he took another swing. He ended up losing count but that was fine because that was a norm. Making probably a thousand swings already he was about to go for more. He didn't feel exhausted at all, it was as if Karamatsu's presence gave him energy.

Jyushimatsu turned around, "Hey Karamatsu-niisan what do you-" he stopped when saw Karamatsu staring at something else. "Karamatsu-niisan?"

Studying his brother, Jyushimatsu realized just how horrified Karamatsu really looked. He stood stiff and paralyzed and his eyes were wide and constricted with his mouth agape. Jyushimatsu was immediately concerned and ran towards him. He tried grabbing his shoulders but he forgot that didn't work, instead he followed Karamatsu's gaze that went past behind him, a little to the right from where he'd been standing. Stepping back and turning around, he caught what Karamatsu had been staring at for most likely a very long time.

The cliff

Jyushimatsu tilted his head in confusion.

"Hey…Jyushimatsu…"

He faced his brother again, relieved that he started speaking. He was about to answer but froze at seeing how Karamatsu was staring at him. Jyushimatsu had never seen him so scared and distressed in his life, and that alarmed him. "K-Karamatsu-niisan?"

Karamatsu was now slightly shaking but Jyushimatsu knew he tried calming down. He gave the younger a small, waving smile, "Would it be alright if we head home? I feel like the weather is getting to me." He rubbed his arm as proof.

"Oh, yes Karamatsu-niisan!" Jyushimatsu agreed. Whatever was the source of his brother's troubles, he wanted it away from him. It pained him to see Karamatsu like that. "Let's leave quickly!"

"Ah, thank you my brother. But I'm truly sorry-"

"Please," Jyushimatsu interrupted. _No more…_ After seeing a nod from Karamatsu, they began trekking back up the hill. He thought back to what his brother's reason was for wanting to leave. Karamatsu had said the weather was getting to him but… Jyushimatsu glanced to his side, Karamatsu was looking anywhere but him. _He was lying_. He remembered the day some weeks ago Karamatsu had told them that he couldn't feel anything. Jyushimatsu desperately wanted to ask him the real reason, but he didn't and instead remain quiet. Everyone deserved to have secrets, and he decided to respect that.

The way home was the most uncomfortable situation Jyushimatsu had ever been in. Karamatsu tried acting like himself but it wasn't the same, and eventually he gave up. When they got home, Karamatsu said he felt sick and was going to sleep for a while. Osomatsu and the others let him be, but Jyushimatsu knew they were all aware.

As the days went by he noticed the changes in Karamatsu. Jyushimatsu noticed that he didn't speak very much, and when he did his voice sounded raspy. He noticed the somber look in his brother's eyes and how they were rarely focused and more distant. He noticed when Karamatsu didn't leave the house for two days straight. Choromatsu had confronted him about it one time but Karamatsu always reassured him, saying that everything was fine.

Jyushimatsu noticed all the little and subtle changes in Karamatsu. Yet, he didn't say anything.

And when he came home that morning from practice, he found his brothers frantically running around. They were all panicking and distressed. He asked them what was going on, and the fraught answer Todomatsu gave him made him drop his bat.

"Karamatsu-niisan is missing."

Jyushimatsu regretted never asking.


	7. Chapter 7

Jyushimatsu stared at them horrified, "Karamatsu-niisan is…gone?"

Everyone's eyes trailed to the floor in a deafening silence. No one dared to clarify him. But he saw him still asleep when he woke up, so that must've meant that Karamatsu had left just after him. Jyushimatsu shivered. "Does that mean that he's-he's," tears pooled in his eyes and spilled. It was too much for him bear.

Choromatsu came up to him and placed a hand on his shaking shoulders. "Don't say it like that, Jyushimatsu. He probably just wanted to be by himself for the moment, he'll come back." He may have attempted to reassure his brother, but the waver in his voice let everyone know that he didn't believe his own words.

"If he wanted to be by himself he would've told us; just like he always did," Ichimatsu hissed as he clutched his own arms against his stomach. "We knew that it wouldn't last for long so let's just face it. Shittymatsu is gone and he's never coming back. He's gone for-"

"NO!"

All eyes turned towards the youngest. Todomatsu was breathing heavily and his eyes held tears. He looked like he was about to break down and cry, but his defensive stance as he clenched his fists said so otherwise. "I refuse…" he murmured, staring hard at the floor with wide eyes, like he was trying to search for his words.

"Todomatsu?" Osomatsu called out.

The younger snapped his head back up, making them all jerk. His tears were still there trapped and threatening to spill and his lips wobbled but his eyes held determination. "No, I refuse to give up," he repeated louder, blinking away his tears. "I refuse to give up hope! Not now not ever!"

Before anyone could say or do anything, Todomatsu turned on his heels and dashed away out the house.

"Todomatsu wait!" Choromatsu yelled, but he never came back. He was about to go after him but Osomatsu stopped him by pulling his hoodie. "Osomatsu-niisan what are you…" he trailed off when he saw his older brother looking at him with furrowed brows.

Osomatsu looked conflicted. His gaze switched between Choromatsu and the others who were all waiting for him to say something. Giving a light squeeze on Choromatsu's hoodie, he swallowed. "I think Todomatsu has a point here…"

Ichimatsu stepped up aggressively, "What do you mean he has a point? He can't understand that-"

"Ichimatsu shut- just let me finish!" Osomatsu snapped, "I'm saying he has a point, because even if Karamatsu may really be g-gone, I still don't want to give up."

"Osomatsu-niisan, what do you propose we do then?" Choromatsu asked calmly. He took the other's hand off his clothes and held it in his own and squeezed them.

The older eyed him and nodded. "We'll search for Karamatsu."

Choromatsu brightened at the idea, and he was about to agree but another thought held him down. "How are we supposed to find him? How long do we even search for him?" He really wanted to find Karamatsu as soon as possible but if he was no longer around then that meant they would just be aimlessly searching for him. His thoughts were broken when he felt Osomatsu slip away from his grasp.

"We'll just have to look in every nook and cranny of this city until we find him. It's not much but it's all we can do," he said honestly. "I'm pretty sure that's what Todomatsu is doing right now."

Everyone became silent again and Osomatsu took that cue to start rushing out the house. "We'll meet back here when the sun sets," he gave one last final order before disappearing outside.

As quickly as that, a plan was made. Jyushimatsu and Choromatsu agreed without a doubt and were about to help out but Ichimatsu interrupted. "How…how can you all agree to this so easily? You're all trying so hard to find him, but if he's..." he couldn't finish his sentence when the possibility dawned upon him. _What is even the point, it's too late._

"Ichimatsu-niisan"

He felt cloth wrap around his hand and when he looked up, Jyushimatsu lightly tugged him forward with his big smile still present. "Karamatsu-niisan wouldn't leave us without saying goodbye."

Ichimatsu chewed his lip. Of course he wouldn't, he realized. Shittymatsu would make sure all their eyes were on him as he would give some kind of flashy parting. Grabbing his brother's sleeve, Ichimatsu nodded in agreement and followed them out the house in search for Karamatsu.

* * *

He didn't know how long he had been running, but Todomatsu never stopped ever since he left the house. _How dare they just accept he's gone when they haven't even tried,_ he furiously thought in between huffs _._ He didn't know where to start looking, but anywhere was better than nothing, and he hoped his brothers realized that too.

Rounding a corner in an alleyway he thought, like every other time he searched in a new area, that Karamatsu would be there. Sleeping on the floor or singing the same boring song over again, Todomatsu didn't care, as long as Karamatsu was _there_ , to let him and the others know that he was still here on this earth.

But all he saw was a dark and empty dead end. No human, no ghost, no Karamatsu. He sighted a few stray cats surrounding a dumpster and that was it. Annoyance boiled through his blood and he kicked a nearby opened can in frustration. It landed where the cats were with a clink and they scrambled away in fright.

Just where could he be? For someone who loved attention why was he so hard to find? He felt like crying again as he turned the other way and ran out of the ally for a new location. He promised himself that he would cry no more, but as time went on and his ghostly brother was nowhere to be found, it became more and more difficult.

But still, even when it seemed like it was for the worst, Todomatsu kept running. He wasn't going to stop, not when there might still be a chance. A chance where Karamatsu must have forgotten to let them know his whereabouts and was resting at some park. The park? With that in mind, Todomatsu sucked in a breath and headed straight there.

He wasn't going to give up, not when they have come this far.

* * *

Choromatsu wheezed as he set his hand against a tree and leaned on it to catch his breath. He had already visited the places where Karamatsu would've most likely been at but there was still no sign of his older brother.

Scouting his surroundings, he noticed a wooden bench not too far away, and with a tired sigh, he dragged his feet over there and sat down. He was sweating, his legs ached, and the heat wasn't helping at all. When Karamatsu was with them, it had been raining and cloudy for a long time but now that he just suddenly vanished, the sun was now out.

Choromatsu grimaced. It was as if the weather was celebrating the disappearance of Karamatsu, and he didn't like that one bit. If his older brother was still here, which he desperately hoped so or else what they're doing would all be for nothing, what was he doing right now? Like with the others, Choromatsu figured he shouldn't worry about Karamatsu leaving the house unannounced. He probably must've forgot telling them, yeah, that should've been it.

But remembering how strange and distant Karamatsu had acted for almost a week alerted all of them that _something_ was wrong, and him leaving this morning without a word must've been the breaking point.

Letting out a stressed huff, Choromatsu scratched his sweaty head. If there was something wrong with Karamatsu then why didn't he let them know about his problem? He was always the one for helping his brothers, like the time Choromatsu remembered Karamatsu helping him with his interview, but he never asked for help in return. It was somewhat sad really, to know that Karamatsu was that kind of a person.

Choromatsu thought, if they had known Karamatsu's problem and had tried to fix it, would he have just gone up and left? The question bothered the hell out of him, but he didn't have time to overthink on it any longer. Standing up, he looked in a direction of a place he hadn't tried searching yet.

He'll be sure to talk to Karamatsu once he found him.

* * *

"Umph!" Ichimatsu yelped in pain as he lost his footing, tripping and landing harshly on the sidewalk. With shaky arms, he picked himself up without complaint and stood on wobbly legs. He wasn't an athletic person by all means, so running for possibly hours sucked the life out of him and made him wheeze, but he wasn't going to stop.

Gritting his teeth, he staggered a few more steps before finding himself on the bridge. The spot Karamatsu considered his favorite for gazing or girl searching. Ichimatsu looked up and studied the sky. From observing and guessing, he figured that it was already the late afternoon since the last time he saw the sun it was on the other side.

"Where the hell is that bastard…" he mumbled irritated. He didn't know why Osomatsu said to be back at the house by sunset, nor did he not know why that since it was getting close to that time he was panicking slightly. Just because they couldn't find Karamatsu by sunset didn't mean that they failed. If this was Karamatsu's idea of playing hide and seek then Ichimatsu would admit that he was doing a damn fine job at it.

He felt a burning sensation on the palm of his right hand. Turning it towards his face, he saw blotches of blood forming. Ichimatsu narrowed his eyes. _Great_ , he bitterly thought. His clumsy fall caused him to scrape his hand. Since there was nothing to do about it, he wiped the blood on his sweatpants and ignored the pain from the friction. _The things I would go through for that bastard_.

He could easily ignore the wound on his hand, but he couldn't ignore the pain swelling inside his chest. It exploded the moment he found out Karamatsu had died and even when he came back, the feeling never quite disappeared. It would probably stay there for the rest of his life and if they never find Karamatsu he assumed it would only get worse.

Eye's trailing to the river underneath the bridge, Ichimatsu clenched his fists. Karamatsu had told him he forgave him but it just wouldn't sit right with him. Ichimatsu tried hard to accept those words but he just couldn't, especially not when he saw how miserable Karamatsu looked for the past week. Just like the others, he was aware that something was up, that Karamatsu was hiding something but for whatever reason he wouldn't seek help from one of them, and that pulled his heart.

Why couldn't Karamatsu just be honest? Was it worth practically dying inside all over again? _Again._ The word echoed in Ichimatsu's mind like a bell. He'd seen Karamatsu like that before, back when he was still alive, but of course, he never gave a damn, so what right did he have to care now?

Ichimatsu abruptly slapped his cheeks between his hands. He wasn't going to question everything like the world was ending. He had a mission and that was to find his good for nothing brother that he desperately wanted to see again and tell him how stupid he was for running off like that. Turning on his heels, he darted off the bridge and continued his search. If he let Karamatsu go, then he would never forgive himself.

"Don't leave us. Don't leave me, Karamatsu-niisan…"

* * *

Osomatsu slowed down to a halt and rested his hands on his knees by a convenient store. He gasped for air as his chest was heaving and his breathing was ragged. He wanted to continue searching so badly but he wasn't able to keep up, and he assumed that it wasn't because he was out of shape but because the ache in his chest was weighing down on him.

He felt stupid for telling everyone to be back at the house by sunset. It gave the impression of 'if we can't find Karamatsu by then, then we know he's gone'. That time was coming soon so he'll have to tell everyone to keep searching all night. That is unless someone found Karamatsu, then they could just go out and celebrate with beer. He definitely needed a beer. It was better than reaching for a cigarette.

Life hadn't been the same nor completely healed when Karamatsu came back, but it was certainly better than before when they truly thought he was gone for good and left only his body in the coffin. The coffin, Osomatsu grimly thought. He supposed he could check the cemetery to see if Karamatsu was hiding there by his grave. It was a possibility. If Osomatsu were a ghost, he would want to at least see where his body was buried before he dis- _no._ He wasn't going to come to that conclusion, not yet. If his other brothers weren't giving up, or in Todomatsu's case- giving up hope, then he wouldn't either.

After gaining his breath, he straightened up and continued jogging through the city, in hopes that Karamatsu was _somewhere,_ anywhere to let Osomatsu and the others know that he was still here on this world.

 _And when you crack, I promise I'll be there for you._

The night when they were out on the balcony sprung into his mind. He wiped the forming tears with the back of his hands and chuckled dryly. "It seems that time is now I guess…" he whispered.

So why aren't you here like you promised?

* * *

Jyushimatsu kept running even though his legs were screaming for him to stop. He had to keep going or else he might be too late. He had made a terrible mistake and he desperately wanted to be the one to find him and fix it- fix _everything_. He regretted taking Karamatsu with him to practice baseball and he deeply regretted for never confronting him about the change in behavior. Blinking his tears away, he kept shouting, "Karamatsu-niisan! Where are you?!" His throat was horse and dry but he wasn't going to give up. Not when everything was all his fault.

Jyushimatsu paused his running and looked up to see the sun finally breaking below the horizon. At any other moment, he would've been memorized but this sunset made him scrunch his face in disappointment and frustration. Osomatsu had told them to meet back at the house by the time the sun started setting, but he hadn't found Karamatsu yet. He wasn't anywhere close to finding Karamatsu.

Feeling utterly useless and pathetic, he cradled his arms against his chest and frowned at the ground. He could either go back and meet up with the rest or continue his search. Going back now would only waste more time, but if one of them had Karamatsu's whereabouts- or even Karamatsu with them- then maybe he could listen to Osomatsu and head back.

He sighed in defeat. Turning around, he dragged his feet down the path to their house. He could only hope that one of the others were able to find their missing brother, and if they did, Jyushimatsu would wail to Karamatsu about how terribly sorry he was. Sorry for not being a better brother, for not treating him better, for doing everything so _wrong._

He felt the familiar feeling of his throating burning. He rarely showed his crying face to his brothers but maybe this time was an exception. He tried to make life seem normal ever since Karamatsu came back, but every day waking up to know he couldn't even touch him made it increasingly more difficult, and Karamatsu's sudden disappearance was the breaking point it seemed.

Letting out a cough, he let his eyes puff up as the tears slid down his cheeks. It rarely happened, but he was sure it wasn't going to be the last time.

If only things had been so different, then maybe they all wouldn't be suffering like this.

* * *

Instead of everyone meeting in front of the house, they met one by one along the street a few blocks from their house. Everyone exchanged looks with each other, in hopes that someone had information about Karamatsu, but with the tired and dejected eyes on everybody, no one had answers.

"Maybe he wanted to be out of the city for a while?" Todomatsu meekly suggested. His back was hunched and he had bags under his eyes.

Ichimatsu scoffed, "I highly doubt it."

Todomatsu glared at him. "Then what do you want us to think where he is then?" He bit back a snarl, but it still hinted for an argument.

"Guys- Guys!" Osomatsu barked, "Could we all calm down for a minute?" Rubbing his temples, he planned his next words, "We're not gonna doubt anything okay? Doing that limits our chances of finding him."

"Then what do you propose we do again, Osomatsu-niisan?" Choromatsu asked, almost begging.

Osomatsu pursed his lips and eyed the distance towards their home. There were basically two options: either keep searching or give up, and he definitely didn't want to do the latter. "We'll take a break. We're probably all exhausted from running literally everywhere around the city. So we'll head home, eat, sleep, do whatever to chill down. Then, if you're still up for it, we'll keep looking, or at least I will."

Everyone looked at him. Looks that varied from 'sounds like a plan' to 'that is ridiculous' that then mellowed down and turned away from Osomatsu. Choromatsu's frown deepened as he raised a brow at the older. "You're willing to search all night for him? What if you don't find him? What do we do then? Are you going to search every day for Karamatsu-niisan? Can't we wait-"

"Choromatsu, you're rambling."

"- a day to see if he comes home? We're probably just worrying for nothing. But if the worst comes to truth, then maybe Karamatsu really is-"

"Choromatsu!"

The younger stopped, his face forming from bewilderment to horror at his mistake. "S-Sorry Osomatsu-niisan, I didn't mean to-"

"It's alright," Osomatsu cut off again. He inhaled sharply and let go a long and loud exhale. He wasn't angry that Choromatsu thought of the worst possibility, he was angry that the possibility could be _true._ "Yes, I'll search tonight and maybe Karamatsu might come back tomorrow, but I'm not taking that chance, Choromatsu. If he never comes back, then I'll search every day for the rest of my life. It'll suck for sure I know that, but it's the price I'm willing to pay."

"… me too."

It was barely above a whisper, but everyone could hear it ringing through their ears. Turning towards the direction, the brothers eyed Jyushimatsu, who had been silently trailing behind all of them until now. The younger's eyes and nose were red, a sign that he had been crying, but no one commented because the look of resolution was there, burning like fire within. "I'm going with Osomatsu-niisan. I'll look again later on tonight, and if I still can't find him, I'll look every day until I die. Because…" Jyushimatsu tore his gaze and stared at the ground as he clenched his fists, "Because I have no right to quit, not after all the regrets I have…"

No one spoke. Everyone stood there silently as realization dawned upon them all. No one had ever admitted the truth about the feeling that had be antagonizing them for the past month, and Jyushimatsu was the first to speak. Maybe not just for himself, but for everyone else.

Osomatsu suddenly hooked an arm around Jyushimatsu's shoulder and grinned, "At least someone agrees with me." Turning his eyes to the rest, he spoke, "I'm not gonna tell you guys what to do since we're all adults here, but are you really okay with doing nothing while living like this? It's not okay for me and Jyushimatsu and I'm sure as hell it's not okay for you guys. But we all have a choice here so make what you want with it."

After giving one swift glance to everyone, Osomatsu unwrapped his arm around Jyushimatsu and continued walking without another word. The others quickly caught up to him and soon they were almost home.

"So Osomatsu-niisan," Todomatsu started, "How long should our break be before we start searching again?"

Rubbing his nose, Osomatsu tilted his head. "Hmmm, I'd say about two hours. Eat, nap, all that good stuff ehe."

Seeing the house in their sight, they all sighed in relief for making it, only upon closer inspection they found a small figure in front of the door on the steps. It wasn't clear to them yet and for a quick moment they believed it was Karamatsu sitting in front of their door, but after a few quick meters closer all their hopes instantly died out at the visitor.

"C-Chibita?" Todomatsu called.

The person in question stood up. Chibita looked exhausted when he hadn't noticed them, but now that he did he was up and awake in a heartbeat. "Ah, h-hello everyone."

"What are you doing here?" Todomatsu asked.

"Never mind that," Choromatsu dismissed before turning to Chibita, "Have you seen Kara-"

"Choromatsu," Osomatsu interrupted, "Remember? Chibita can't see him."

Looking horrified again from making another mistake Choromatsu apologized, "I'm sorry Chibita. You might think we're a bit insane…"

Chibita shook his head, "No, I don't think you're insane at all. I actually believe you."

Eyes widening, Jyushimatsu asked in hope, "Then- have you seen Karamatsu-niisan?"

Chibita stiffened at that. He bit his lip and broke eye contact and stared at the ground sorrowfully. "No…I haven't. I can't actually see him," he admitted.

Todomatsu threw his hands up in exasperation. "Chibita, I'm glad you believe us but you can't really help us if you can't see him you know."

"Y-Yeah I know but…" Chibita hesitated. He was sweating bullets and shaking. Everyone waited but when he didn't finish Ichimatsu was the first to snap.

Clicking his tongue, Ichimatsu broke the heavy silence, "Guys we are wasting our time here. Chibita can't even say what he wants to say and resting for two hours is pointless. We should just head back and keep looking for Karamatsu." Without waiting for a response, Ichimatsu was about to stomp past the house and Chibita but Osomatsu gripped his arm.

"Wait, Ichimatsu," Osomatsu said, "At least rest for a little bit. Like 20 minutes it doesn't matter. But don't even start and tell me to shut up because we can all see the dark rings under your eyes. I know we're all desperate but we're also tired and you're not any different." Ichimatsu yanked his arm away but Osomatsu didn't look the least bit phased. "Besides, let's hear what Chibita has to say. It might be important."

Ichimatsu mumbled curse words under his breath but otherwise didn't protest. He turned his attention back to Chibita and crossed his arms, "Alright, I'm listening."

Some of the tension disappeared from Chibita's shoulders, but he still stood shaken and terrified. His mouth repeatedly opened and closed without forming words and his eyes stayed glued to the ground, shifting between individual rocks as if his attention was towards them instead of the others.

"P-Please understand what I'm about to say," he finally started, growing antsier by the second. "I don't want to remember that moment ever again but- but it's something that I think you all deserve to know. So please, you might not like it but pleasetry to understand. I'm sure he would want the same- Karamatsu I mean."

Choromatsu stepped forward questionably, "Chibita, what are you trying to tell us?"

"I-" Chibita choked as he fell forward on his knees. Osomatsu ran up to him and kneeled by his side.

"Hey-hey, it's okay. What's wrong?" Osomatsu tried reassuring but by that time Chibita's face was already red and wet with tears.

Panting, Chibita looked like he was going into a panic attack. He let out a ragged breath as he hefted himself up and took a few steps away from everyone. "I've done some so t-terribly wrong," he hiccupped, "I-I…I watched him."

"You what?" Choromatsu said, face contorting into anxiousness.

"I watched Karamatsu!" Chibita sobbed. His little hands squeezed into fists as he exploded the truth, "I watched him die!"

Time seemed to stop moving for everyone. Growing wide eyes stayed onto Chibita as he swayed on his feet as if all his energy had been sucked away from speaking. It felt like an eternity of silence, and nobody moved, too scared to see what else Chibita would say. But when Chibita's lips quivered shut and he looked away dejectedly, only then it was a sign that he was finished.

Without warning, Ichimatsu grabbed Chibita by the collar of his shirt. He lifted him up and harshly slammed him against the door of their house, letting Chibita's legs dangle and few feet above the ground.

"What did you say?" Ichimatsu growled, teeth clenching as his eyes narrowed down on him, "You mean to tell us that you killed Karamatsu?"

"Wha- no!" Chibita screeched in terror, "I never said that! There's no way I would ever kill my best friend! I just- he just- I watchedhim die!"

Ichimatsu didn't seem the least bit convinced, instead he looked like he wanted to throttle him. Seething, he tightened his grip on Chibita's throat as the other squirmed.

"Please," Chibita begged, gasping for air, "He told me to be there with h-him when he killed himself so I-I could take his body and bury him. " He cried, "I _tried_ to s-stop him, I really did! But Karamatsu was final with his decision…" His head felt like it was about to burst open from the lack of oxygen, but feeling weak, he believed he was going to die right there and then being strangled to death.

"Then why was his body found right here?!" Ichimatsu demanded, but his crushing grip kept Chibita from answering.

In the next second, Osomatsu came up behind them and shoved Ichimatsu away, letting Chibita slide down to the floor and coughing. "Ichimatsu that's enough," he ordered as he went to tackle Ichimatsu who sprung back up.

When Chibita regained his breath, he looked up to see the other three staring at him fearfully. "G-Guys…?" he rasped.

"Ne, Chibita," Osomatsu said, mellow toned. He wasn't looking at him. He kept his head down, fringes covering his eyes as he stayed hovering over a squirming Ichimatsu. "You should use these next 10 seconds to run far away _right now_."

Chibita didn't need to be told twice. Hoisting himself up, he immediately dashed away, letting his nimble legs carry him down the street and rounding a corner, disappearing from sight. _I'm sorry,_ Chibita screamed in his mind, _I'm so very sorry_.

Reaching his own home, Chibita stumbled inside without even bothering to turn the lights on. He dragged himself through the living room and down the hallway and when he finally reached his bedroom he slumped against the wall and slid down to the floor by his bed. Pulling his legs up, he wrapped his arms around them and buried his face in his knees.

He felt worn out, cold, and hollow. His conversation with the Matsuno's didn't go as exactly well, but he knew it wouldn't ever go well. How could anyone take the news lightheartedly when someone witnessed the death of someone they loved? He deserved every right to be angry at. Now thinking about it, he wished Osomatsu hadn't intervened so Ichimatsu could've kill him right there. It would've been a slow and painful death, but he deserved it as punishment for keeping something so important from them for so long.

When Osomatsu first told him that he could see Karamatsu, Chibita had thought it was a joke. _Ghosts aren't real,_ he had thought. However, as time flew by and Chibita had observed them talking to an empty space next to them he started think that maybe they were telling the truth. He couldn't see Karamatsu himself, which in his mind he wish he could so he could apologize to him, but he believed that Karamatsu might have gotten a second chance to be with his brothers and was actually there.

Sniffing, he lifted his head and stared up at the ceiling with glazed and blank eyes. He wondered how they were doing with the surprising news. They probably weren't taking it so well. He didn't blame them of course, now they found out how Karamatsu had died.

How Karamatsu had died…

Chibita bit his lip. Had he been more assertive, then maybe Karamatsu wouldn't have died. Chibita could have stopped him and argued with him about just how unreasonable and reckless he was being. But he didn't… he ended up giving in and agreeing like he couldn't do anything else. Chibita felt pathetic. Instead of letting Karamatsu go through his plan he could've helped him. Chibita could've locked him up somewhere to prevent him from going to that cliff or he could've told his brothers that 'hey, your brother is trying to kill himself, we should do something about it before it's too late.'

Well it's too late now, and Chibita never felt so remorseful in his life.

.

.

.

 _One month ago_

It was almost closing time and Chibita was wiping his plates with a rag. The Matsuno's came by an hour ago to eat some oden. Chibita was delighted of course, but he hadn't seen Karamatsu with them again. It was like the fifth time Karamatsu wasn't with them and it had been days since he last saw him. He was growing slightly worried for the man. He knew that Karamatsu was struggling inside with something but Chibita wasn't exactly sure. But if Karamatsu ever sought help, Chibita would always be there for him.

Too busy scrubbing bits of food off the plate, he didn't notice a figure slip onto a stool in front of him. "Hey, Chibita…"

With that all too familiar low voice Chibita snapped his head up to see Karamatsu. Well speak of the devil. "Oh? How are you doing, ya idjit? I'm actually just about to close but…" Now observing his friend, Karamatsu didn't look all that well. He actually looked like hell. His sweater was wrinkled and his hair was unkempt. He looked like he hadn't showered in days and the dark bags under his eyes signified that he probably hadn't had much sleep. The disheveled appearance had Chibita growing increasingly concerned for his friend. "…you can eat for free tonight."

Karamatsu smiled, a wary smile that put Chibita on edge, but shook his head and declined. "Thank you for your generous offer, but I'm not hungry at the moment."

Chibita lowered the items in his hands and stared at Karamatsu perplexedly. "Alright, if that's so then why are you here? Is there something you need? Or something I can help you with?"

The smile on Karamatsu's face immediately vanished into a thin, pursed line. He hesitated and looked away for a moment but made eye contact with him again. "Is it alright if you could help me? Just this one time?" he asked.

Chibita was taken aback. "O-Of course I'll help you! I'm not some trashy friend." Had it been a month ago, Chibita probably would've flat out refused, thinking that it would've been something pointless and dumb, but now Karamatsu desperately looked like he needed help and Chibita felt joy swelling in him that he went to him first. "So, what do you need help with, ya idjit?"

"I'm going to end my life tomorrow."

There was a sudden crash and Chibita realized he had dropped his plate and rag onto the ground. But never mind that, he looked back up and stared at Karamatsu, aghast. " _What?"_ he said.

"Tomorrow- or rather in a few hours because it will be at midnight- I will end my own life my jumping off the cliff by the ocean where Jyushimatsu practices his baseball." Karamatsu said. He didn't hesitate, in fact, he seemed confident with what he was saying.

Chibita was silent for a moment, taking in Karamatsu's answer, before letting out a boisterous laugh. "Oh my god, I sure hope you were joking because that was hilarious," he laughed while wiping a tear forming in his eyes.

Karamatsu scrunched his nose. "Chibita, I'm not-"

The loud smack from Chibita slamming his hands down on the table silenced him. "Bullshit," he yelled, "Stop screwing with me!"

Karamatsu didn't respond, but he had that _look_ on his face that caused him to flinch. He had that smile again but it looked so weak and defeated that Chibita had tears welling in his eyes again. "You're serious," Chibita said disbelievingly, "Oh my god- Karamatsu if you're being serious I want you to stop right now."

"I can't," Karamatsu responded solemnly, "This is a decision I'm sticking with and I'm going to do it when midnight strikes."

Hundreds of thoughts raced through Chibita's mind. _What's going on? Why is Karamatsu being so calm about this? Why in a few hours?_ "Why are you telling me this?" he managed to choke out without breaking down.

Karamatsu looked _relieved_ to hear him asking that and Chibita found it harder not to cry. "10 minutes past midnight I should already be dead by then. If you could, come by the shore with your boat to search for my body and bury it in the forest behind the cliff."

"No," Chibita choked, "Because you're not going to die."

This time, it was Karamatsu's turn to abruptly stand up and slammed his hands down on the table, startling him. "Please Chibita," he was practically _begging, "_ Please do this for me, I don't want my body being found by someone else and be on the news for the whole world to see and I can't ask anyone else to do it. So please…"

Chibita hesitated. Seeing Karamatsu break down for something like this was making him feel sick. "I-I can't, there's no way I could go through with this. Why can't you ask someone else like one of your brothers?"

"No," Karamatsu said instantly, "I could never ask my brothers. I don't want them to know about this. I rather have them think that I've just gone missing than know that I'm dead."

Chibita found it harder to see Karamatsu clearly from the tears he was holding in. "If not your brothers then why me?" he demanded, "Why me of all people?"

The smile Karamatsu had turned from weak to genuine and Chibita almost wept. "Because I always thought that you could be a friend I could always rely on."

And that was it. Chibita curled in on himself and sobbed his eyes out. He heard Karamatsu's footstep round his oden cart and soon he felt his arms wrapping around him in a tight embrace. Letting his head rest against Karamatsu's chest, Chibita scolded him through sobs, "You shouldn't be relying on me for reasons like that, you idjit."

"Yes Chibita I know, and I'm truly sorry," Karamatsu whispered.

It now showed 11:50pm on the clock and Chibita grew frantic. Karamatsu had told him to wait inside his house until 12:10am and then go out to search his body. But as the clock ticked by, Chibita's will to go out now and stop Karamatsu was weighing more on the scale than patiently waiting for the right time.

How could someone just determine the time and day for their death? What made Karamatsu come to this decision? Wasn't he scared of dying? The topic of death never really crossed Chibita's mind, let alone about his own death. The idea always terrified him so for Karamatsu to be completely fine with it and jump off a cliff out of all the ways to die, it must've took a lot for him to decide this.

11:51pm read on the clock and Chibita felt like the silence was swallowing him up. How would the brothers feel about Karamatsu never coming home? To think that he was just missing when actually he was dead? The thought of that ate at Chibita's heart. They'll have to know one day, and it'll have to be him to break the news to them.

It now read 11:52pm and Chibita bit his lip. Eight minutes. Eight more minutes and Karamatsu would be gone. Gone from this world and gone forever. Just what was Chibita doing? Would he be considered a criminal for letting Karamatsu die?

The clock read 11:53pm and Chibita was biting his thumb. If he went now, he could keep Karamatsu from jumping. But if he didn't, he would lose his best friend. In the end, it was Chibita who literally held Karamatsu's life in the palm of his hands. And to be going with the latter option it made him feel like the evilest person in the world, knowing his best friend was going to die and letting it happen.

11:54pm and Chibita came to a decision. He was going to let Karamatsu possibly die in a painful way. He was going to let Karamatsu's brothers search aimlessly wondering where he was. _He was going to let his best friend take his own life._

11:55pm

To hell with the plan. Not bothering to change clothes or putting on shoes, Chibita darted out the house to the direction of the cliff. He didn't know what made Karamatsu decide what he's about to do but Chibita thought it was stupid. Karamatsu was being stupid and Chibita was going to make sure he was alive so he could get it through that thick skull of his.

Dashing through the street, Chibita wheezed. He didn't know the time now but every second was a second closer to Karamatsu jumping. His only regret was that he didn't stop Karamatsu when he last saw him hours ago.

His lungs were burning but by then he could spot the cliff a distance away. He desperately tried searching for a silhouette on top of it and he nearly cried in joy to see Karamatsu still there. That meant Chibita still had time, he could get his attention and talk it out with him. He knew Karamatsu wouldn't die in front of him, that was the last thing Karamatsu would want.

Chibita reached the beach and cursed at the sand making it harder for him to run. Karamatsu was in sight, but not close enough for him to hear if Chibita were to yell. Maybe just a few more meters. All he had to do was run a few more meters.

Eye's still locked on the figure at the top Chibita almost screamed. There Karamatsu was, shuffling closer to the edge every step. He looked worried, and Chibita desperately hoped that he was reconsidering his actions. Sucking in a breath, Chibita finally screeched.

But Karamatsu already jumped.

"Karamatsu!"

Chibita watched in horror as the body fell rapidly towards the ocean below. And before he could even blink, Karamatsu was gone.

 _Oh no. Oh no oh no oh no,_ Chibita internally screamed. All his tiredness seemed to disappear as he sped down the beach and into the ocean. He tore through the waters with his small and agile limbs and before he knew it, he saw Karamatsu's body floating there.

 _Oh god please be alive_ , Chibita thought as he got a hold of Karamatsu. His eyes were closed and he wasn't moving so Chibita could only hope that he had only passed out. With enough strength, he managed to pull Karamatsu out of the water and onto the sand. Chibita panted, but he lifted Karamatsu's shirt and laid his ear over his heart.

It wasn't beating.

"Shit!" Chibita cursed, "Please…Karamatsu wake up. You can't leave like this…" he wailed, cradling his friend's face between his hands.

The deed was done. Karamatsu was dead.

What should he do now? Looking up, he spotted the trees just beyond the cliff. He didn't have his shovel with him. It was the middle of the night so no one would notice a body laying here if Chibita were to go back home and get one. But…but…

Burying him with no one knowing just didn't seem right.

What's going to happen from now on? If he buried Karamatsu and never told anyone… he couldn't do it. That just sounded unethical and wrong. Never telling the Matsuno's was like twisting a knife in his heart, he didn't have it in him to do it.

Before he knew it, tears were spilling down his cheeks. Chibita just lost his very best friend and he witnessed it.

He looked up at the sky. The city he lived in wasn't known for the night life so maybe he could do something else. It was probably a terrible idea, but it was better than leaving Karamatsu buried in a forest with nobody else knowing. If someone caught him, they'd most definitely think of him as a murderer. But after what happened, he would consider himself one too.

Using the last of his strength, Chibita picked Karamatsu up by the shoulders. Surprisingly, yet sadly, Karamatsu wasn't that heavy but he didn't want to think further on it any longer. He needed to get out of here.

It felt like forever, but eventually, after taking the hidden ways through the alleys, Chibita managed to drag Karamatsu's body up to the front of the Matsuno's house. He decided to stay here and explain to them the situation. Whether they believed him or not and possibly disembowel him it all didn't matter to him. He had to tell _someone_.

He could see the faint light through the windows, a sign that someone was still awake. With a shaky fist, he knocked a few times on the door. Chibita should've felt relieved, but dread seemed to increasingly spread. He was absolutely terrified. They were going to find him with Karamatsu's dead body next to him. They were probably going to lash out and Chibita was frightened.

His mind was racing as he heard footsteps and before he knew it, he dashed off, disappearing down an alley just in time for the door to open to hear Osomatsu's voice talking to Karamatsu as if he was passed out drunk.

Chibita's heart raced. He had done the worst thing possible and regretted it. He didn't have time to think on it any longer because now he heard screams. Clenching his teeth, Chibita blinked his tears away and ran towards his house, letting the screams fade out in the distance.

 _I'm so sorry for breaking your promise, Karamatsu…_

* * *

 _It would be really great if you could leave a review! I really appreciate it :)_


	8. Chapter 8

_Thank you for patiently waiting! :)_

* * *

 _One month ago_

 _._

Karamatsu wearily opened his eyes. All he could see were stars and feeling pressure behind him that was when he realized he was lying on his back. Sighing, he reluctantly pushed himself up into a sitting position. Now he remembered where he was.

He was at the edge of the cliff. Of course he would be here. The cliff was a place Jyushimatsu had discovered some months ago to practice his baseball. Karamatsu didn't know when it started, but he too frequently started going here alone.

His eyes felt worn out and puffy and his cheeks had dry trails of something. Ah, so he had been crying again. Emotional outbursts were something that Karamatsu didn't remember started but happened frequently as well. The feeling on his face irritated him and with the back of his hands, he rubbed away the dry tears.

With tired eyes, his stared out into the distance in front of him. His legs were stretched out and his feet were so close to the edge. The memory was hazy, but some hours ago his feet were still the same close distance from the edge, the only difference was that he was standing instead.

Karamatsu shivered. Againhe tried to do it. _Again_ he tried to take his own life. But after all the times he told himself he would do it, he never did in the end. Maybe it was the excessive thinking or the lack of self-care because instead of jumping like he tried to do who knew how many times, he always ended up turning around and walking away or sleeping on the rocky ground.

This time it was the latter and Karamatsu wrapped his arms around himself. It was freezing and his teeth were chattering. If he didn't leave soon he would suffer from a cold. Ah, but what did it matter if he got sick? Nobody would care anyways.

He could've stayed on the cliff for the rest of the night. He could've relished the wind biting his skin and the waves crashing against the rocks ringing in his hears. But the need to be at least a little warm and to see how his brothers were doing won over the other choice.

Getting up, he wobbled and in a split second fear he truly thought he would lose his balance and fall right over the edge. He'd never felt so weak in his life. When was the last time he ate? He remembered drinking hot tea in the morning before he left the house to be in solitude. But when was the last time he had solid food? That he couldn't remember. It didn't bother him anyways because his stomach no longer screamed for real food.

Walking towards the heart of the city, he turned his head to the left and eyed the forest some little ways right of the cliff. Karamatsu saw the area plenty of times when he went to the rocks but he'd never gone in there. He wouldn't go in now because it was pitch black inside. Some murderer could be hiding in there and slay him if he went. The thought should've scared him, but Karamatsu felt nothing. He hadn't felt anything besides pain in a long time. Perhaps one day Karamatsu would wonder in there. No one was allowed to go in, but he couldn't shake off the feeling that he'd be in there someday.

By the time he was surrounded by buildings instead of grass Karamatsu realized how desperately he wanted to go home now. He hadn't done anything besides stand by the edge of the cliff and slept all day. He'd never thought that just doing nothing could still make a person exhausted. Where had all his energy gone?

Distant laughter and talking brought him from his thoughts. Looking ahead, he was on the street towards his house and a few meters away he saw his brothers at Chibita's oden stand. Relief was what Karamatsu felt when he saw them drunk and having a good time but another feeling swelled up in his chest. A feeling that he didn't like at all. He felt…hurt.

Chibita hadn't closed yet so he could nibble on some food. Even though Karamatsu lost the feeling of hunger he hated the feeling of being weak and sick. But each step he took towards them his lips gradually pursed into a frown. There was a reason why his brothers were there without him. He shouldn't interfere. He feared that he would disturb them just by being there and that was the last thing he wanted to do. Their happiness was important and Karamatsu didn't want to take that away, even if it meant getting hurt in the process.

Shoving his hands into his pockets, Karamatsu focused his attention towards the ground and tried to pass by them unnoticed. Of course, luck was not on his side. It was never on his side to begin with, he grimly thought as Jyushimatsu called his name.

"Karamatsu-niisan!" the younger hollered.

Karamatsu stopped walking and frowned. All he wanted to do was curl up in bed. He'd always been ignored so why the sudden attention? But nonetheless it was his brother asking so Karamatsu fished in his pockets for his shades and placed them on before turning around. "Hello my little Jyushimatsu! What can I do for you on this fine night?" he said.

Jyushimatsu raised up his chopsticks and asked, "Do you want to eat with us? We saved some food for you."

Eyes widening, Karamatsu was genuinely surprised. That was such a…generous offer and he couldn't believe it. Maybe he could spend time with his brothers. Maybe there was still hope-

"We only saved it because Jyushimatsu threatened us if we ate it. Otherwise it'd be all gone," Osomatsu mumbled like the drunk he is, his chin glued to the counter as he stared at his beer can.

Karamatsu found his smile faltering for a second before bringing it back up. How could he have been so naïve? Of course that was how it went, that's always how it went. There was a catch to everything and Karamatsu now desperately wanted to disappear from his brothers. "I graciously appreciate your offer, but I'm afraid I have to decline. You see, I had a very long and tiring day and the bed is what's calling for me at the moment." Yeah, that should've been enough to convince them. There was a slight strain in his voice but Karamatsu doubted they noticed.

"Are you sure?" Jyushimatsu tilted his head.

"Jyushimatsu," Ichimatsu interrupted, his voice slurred from the large intake of beer, "Shittymatsu clearly said no so don't waste your time. He probably only had a long day because he was looking for girls who already find him creepy."

The insult struck Karamatsu like an arrow through his heart but he merely adjusted his shades and smiled, "He is right, I have failed once again searching for my Karamatsu girls but I won't give up."

"Shut up," Ichimatsu grumbled.

And just like that the conversation ended and Karamatsu was once again ignored by his brothers. It was only Chibita who remained staring at him in concern but Karamatsu knew he wasn't going to say anything. Biding everyone a goodnight, he turned around and continued walking towards the house. He still felt eyes lingering on his back but he chose to ignore it as he scurried down the street.

After changing his clothes into pajamas, Karamatsu took out the futon from the closet and spread it across the room along with the blanket and pillows. Setting up the bed had never made him more excited as he slipped under the blanket and curled up on his side.

He waited…and waited, and waited, but he couldn't fall asleep. Frustrated, he turned his body and laid on his back, staring at the wooden ceiling. Either it was because he had fallen asleep back at the cliff or he was afraid of having another nightmare he didn't know, but whatever the reason Karamatsu remained wide awake.

If he couldn't sleep, then he should've taken Jyushimatsu's offer. He could always just get up and go back, but thinking back to what Ichimatsu said they probably didn't want him there. Jyushimatsu had only offered him just to sound like they cared, but they didn't. To say that it didn't sting Karamatsu's heart was a blatant lie, but what could he do about it?

Turning back to his side he curled up again. Despite being warm under the blankets his heart had never felt so cold. Thinking back to earlier, he had tried ending his own life but he failed _again_. The only reason that stopped him was that if he died, then everyone would grieve over him and he didn't want that. He could never make his friends and family feel miserable over his death. Karamatsu would only feel bad about it. But…

But every time he came home that reason started to dwindle. The more Karamatsu spent time being ignored the more he thought that maybe nobody truly cared if he disappeared. If that was the case, then… _no._ Karamatsu squeezed his eyes shut. No, they must care about him, they have to. Otherwise he still wouldn't be here living with them. They probably just weren't well at showing it. Yeah, that must be the reason why, Karamatsu thought.

 _Tomorrow_ , he decided, _tomorrow I'll spend time with my brothers to prove myself wrong._ He smiled at the idea. As long as he stayed determined then truly he could still find a reason to live. Closing his eyes, he let sleep overtake him.

Even though Karamatsu came to a conclusion, even though he was satisfied with the thought, that didn't stop him from crying himself to sleep.

* * *

Karamatsu was the first to fall asleep, but he was the last one to wake up. With groggy eyes, he looked around to see the blanket disheveled around him. He sat up and noticed the head prints in the other pillows. What time was it? If even Osomatsu, the one who almost always was the last person to wake up, then it must've been pretty late. Karamatsu was usually an early riser. He always woke up in the morning right after Jyushimatsu. But lately, as with other things he didn't normally do, he found himself waking up later.

Putting that thought in the back of his head he got up and stretched his back. A rule was a rule, the last person to wake up had to put the futon up. Bending over, he gathered the pillows in his arms when a door slid open behind him. Turning around, Karamatsu smiled at Todomatsu entering the bedroom. "Good morning my brother!"

Todomatsu raised an eyebrow, "Karamatsu-niisan it's three in the afternoon."

The smile dropped and Karamatsu gaped, "Three- three in the afternoon? Are you serious?" he asked.

The younger nodded in confirmation and it went silent. Karamatsu shifted on his feet as he stared at the floor. Todomatsu's eyes were still on him, probably expecting him to say something embarrassing but he couldn't think of anything to say. He noticed that every day trying to make conversation got more difficult. Why couldn't he come up with something?

It seemed that staying silent lasted longer than he intended to as Todomatsu spoke, "Well all I came in here was to get my phone so…"

He trailed off and Karamatsu panicked. He had told himself last night that he would prove himself wrong so he had to start now or it might be too late. "H-hey," he started, "Do you want to uhh, go somewhere later on?"

Todomatsu stopped himself from grabbing his phone and looked up at him apologetically. "Sorry Karamatsu-niisan but I promised my friends I'd go to this mixer with them."

Karamatsu wanted to wave his hands in understanding but he realized he still had the pillows in his arms so he shook his head instead, "No-No! It's alright, I understand. But if that's the case then can I come?"

Eyes shifting, Todomatsu suddenly looked uncomfortable, "Uhh well I-" His phone rang and his face brightened, "Perfect tim- I mean sorry Karamatsu-niisan but I have to take this important phone call."

The younger darted out of the room before Karamatsu could even say goodbye. _That didn't go as planned,_ he thought. He well aware knew that Todomatsu didn't want him to come. Being honest was better than having an excuse. Even so, Karamatsu couldn't help but feel a little bit disappointed.

That was okay though! He didn't have four other brothers for nothing. After putting up the futon Karamatsu changed his clothes and went downstairs. Then who else to ask…

The moment he stepped into the living room Osomatsu locked eyes with him and stood up from the couch. Grinning, he walked up to him and patted him on the back, "Ne Karamatsu, do you want to go play pachinko?"

Karamatsu perked up at the offer, his day was getting better already. "Of course my brother! I'd be honored to go with you," he beamed.

"Cool," Osomatsu said, "Let's go right now."

Karamatsu didn't question it as they stole Choromatsu's wallet and left the house. Walking down the street, he practically skipped in joy next to his older brother. Osomatsu kept giving him side glances until he finally spoke, "What's with the sudden spirit?"

 _Because I thought nobody cared about me,_ Karamatsu thought about saying but decided against it, "Well you see, I-"

"Totoko-chan?"

Said person, a few meters away from them in front of a shop, turned around and waved at them. "Osomatsu, Karamatsu!" she called.

Osomatsu was there in an instant as the other followed behind. "Wowie Totoko-chan you look amazing in that dress," Osomatsu complimented, making googly eyes at her.

Totoko brought the back of her hand to her mouth and giggled, feigning flattery. "Oh course I look amazing, I always do," she then turned her attention to Karamatsu and stared at him, as if she was expecting a compliment from him as well.

Noticing her burning gaze, Karamatsu flinched and rubbed a hand behind his neck, "You look lovely as always Totoko-chan. What are you doing here out on this fine day?"

"I just finished buying groceries," she answered as she lifted up the plastic bags to show them, "I would carry it all by myself back home but there's just too much and it's so heavy." She blinked her eyes towards Osomatsu and pouted.

The older immediately got the message, "I'll carry them for you Totoko-chan!"

She was literally carrying three bags, Karamatsu noticed but he remained quiet. Totoko thanked Osomatsu and handed the bag to him before directing her gate at him. She lifted a bag and Karamatsu understood as well. He was about to reach out and grab it but Osomatsu yanked it away before he got the chance.

"Actually, Karamatsu was just on his way somewhere really important so he can't come with us. But that's okay because I can carry them all for you," the older lied.

Totoko looked surprised, "Oh is that so? Well it couldn't be as important as helping me but if that's the case then here you go Osomatsu."

The other took it with an overbearing smile, "C'mon let's go, we wouldn't want your parents to get mad if you took too long." The two started walking away before Osomatsu looked over his shoulder and gave his brother a wink.

Karamatsu's shoulders slumped as he watched their retreating forms disappear down the street. That didn't go as how he hoped. He was pretty sure Osomatsu hadn't expected to meet Totoko along the way. It was all just bad timing…but that was fine, helping people was always a good thing so Osomatsu ditching him all of a sudden shouldn't make his chest ache.

Osomatsu also had all of the money with him so Karamatsu couldn't play pachinko anyways. Straightening his posture, he turned around and headed back home. He's sure there were others still home.

Reaching the house, he was about to slide open the front door until it opened by itself revealing Choromatsu standing in front of him. "K-Karamatsu-niisan? You're finally awake?"

Karamatsu smiled, maybe Choromatsu would want to spend time with him? "I could never waste a perfect day like this," he said, "Where are you going?"

Choromatsu started sweating bullets and Karamatsu felt like he shouldn't have asked. "I um- I'm going to the uhh…"

He wore his beige pants and a checkered collared shirt. It was the outfit that signified he was going somewhere important. Karamatsu would've guessed that he was going to another job interview if it weren't for the decorated head band he also wore. "It's okay to be honest," he reassured, "I'm not like Osomatsu to make fun of you."

The younger put a hand on his chest and sighed in deep relief. "Of course, sorry about that. I'm just about to go to the Nyaa concert."

Raising an eyebrow, Karamatsu asked, "A Nyaa concert? Is it okay with you if I can come?" He mentally crossed his fingers in hope.

Choromatsu seemed to deflate at the question and Karamatsu already prepared himself for the rejection. "I didn't know you liked Nyaa-chan too… if you had asked me a few weeks ago I would've bought an extra ticket in advance."

"No that's fine, I didn't realize it was an event you had to prepare for in advance," Karamatsu shook his head and then suggested, "If you want, maybe when you come back we could-"

"Ahhh I'm going to be late!" Choromatsu screeched while staring at his watch, "We can talk later, bye!"

He dashed off leaving Karamatsu to stare after him in disappointment. After meekly waving his younger brother goodbye, he slipped inside the house.

Upon entering, he found the place to be eerily quiet. It was too quiet for Karamatsu's taste and it started to make him uncomfortable. Silence reminded him of being painfully alone. Kicking off his shoes, he rushed down the hallway to see who else was home. His parents were at work and he just saw Osomatsu and Choromatsu leave. Jyushimatsu was usually out the whole day doing whatever they all stopped wondering about long ago so he was out of question. If he was right, then that should've left…

Peeking into the living room, he found Ichimatsu in the corner of the room swinging a string toy in front of a random stray cat. He had his legs folded against his chest and he smiled lovingly at the cat. He looked happy alone in solitude. Karamatsu decided against bothering him and was about to leave going unnoticed but a creak in the wooden floor snapped Ichimatsu's attention towards him.

Karamatsu gulped as Ichimatsu glared daggers at him before returning to play with the animal. Well, Ichimatsu now knew that he was home so he might as well try. To say that he wasn't nervous was a lie. Before, he'd always attempted to strike up a conversation with his little brother before getting shut down or physically hurt by him. Now Karamatsu always felt unsure just trying to approach him. He knew Ichimatsu hated his guts. Karamatsu could never understand why, but he always pretended that everything was fine.

Taking a deep breath and exhaling, Karamatsu walked inside the room and towards his younger brother, "Good afternoon brother! Mind if I ask where you found the adorable cat this time?"

No response.

That was to be expected so Karamatsu kept going, "Well I'm glad to see that she is happy and well. Or is it a he? Well it doesn't matter."

Silence.

Karamatsu averted his gaze and twiddled his thumbs, "Hey, speaking of cats do you think that maybe we could go out and find some toge-"

"Shut up."

Flinching, Karamatsu looked at him and hesitated, "I-I mean we don't have to find cats. We could just hang-"

"I said shut up!" Ichimatsu snapped and glared at him, "Go away!"

 _Keep trying,_ Karamatsu told himself, "Don't worry I'll leave you alone right away b-but maybe some other day we-"

Ichimatsu abruptly stood up, scaring both him and the cat. Even though they were the same height, Karamatsu felt tiny as a mouse. "Why are you here? I told you plenty of times before to leave me alone but you never do," he hissed.

Karamatsu's eyes widened, "I- I was just-" _It's going to be okay, you're going to be fine,_ "I just thought that maybe we could-"

"Could what?" the younger sneered, "That we could spend time together just because we're brothers? Listen here Shittymatsu, I don't ever want to spend time with you. Now leave me alone."

A feeling of rage started bubbling inside him as he frowned, "Ichimatsu, I don't think just five minutes would hurt anyone." _I just need to know that I'm worth something._

"Well it hurts me, I can't stand to be around you," Ichimatsu said. He raised a fist into the air and Karamatsu instantly stepped back and shielded his face with his arms. The blow never came. "Heh, pathetic," he laughed, "Go away Shittymatsu. You're not wanted, you're not needed. Nobody cares about you." Picking up the cat, Ichimatsu purposely bumped into Karamatsu's shoulder and exited the room.

He was alone again. Blankly staring at the floor, he crashed on his knees and slumped.

 _Nobody cares about you_

He gritted his teeth. Perhaps Ichimatsu was right all along. He had to be right, the proof was this whole day. Hugging his arms, Karamatsu lips wobbled as he held back tears. He'd always told himself that everything was going to be fine. That he would get past through this and heal. But he guessed that in the end…nothing mattered. Nothing was going to be fine and Karamatsu felt like a fool for not realizing it sooner. If nobody wanted him then what was the point of even trying?

…What was the point of living?

Slowly, he stood up. Face blank of emotions Karamatsu finally made his decision. He should've made the decision sooner but of course he was _so_ stupid. It was the breaking point and Karamatsu couldn't handle it any longer. Midnight, he decided.

At midnight he would erase his existence.

But first, he had to ask a favor from someone.

* * *

"Why," Chibita pleaded, breaking away from the embrace, "Just why would you decide this for yourself?"

It was already night time and Karamatsu had just finished convincing Chibita to agree to the request. It was a terrible thing to ask from his friend but there was no other option to hide his body. He could only hope that Chibita didn't feel any regret out of it.

Karamatsu stayed silent for a moment and looked up towards the sky. It was a cloudless night and the stars beamed above his head. When he was younger, his mother had told him that when someone died, they became a star, and when the whole family passed on they became a constellation. Ever since he heard that he'd always dreamed of being part of them. Even after knowing the truth of how stars were formed, he still clung on to that hope that after all the suffering, humiliation, and being ignored he had endured all his life that maybe he could still be a star.

But not anymore.

He looked back down at Chibita. His smile was still present but it was the most strained and painful smile he ever made. "Why I decided this for myself?" he asked. He could never reach up and be a star. It was never going to happen for such an unwanted person like him.

"I gave up hope."

Chibita's mouth went agape but he didn't say anything more. Instead, he grabbed hold of his hand and gave it a light squeeze. Maybe it was to reassure him that things would change and get better Karamatsu didn't know, but he felt nothing from it. The look seemed to show on his face because Chibita's face morphed into a look that he was about to cry again.

After giving one last tight hug Chibita reluctantly parted ways with him and headed home. Karamatsu made sure to stare at his friend all the way until he disappeared down the street. After all this was the last time he would see him.

Finally alone, Karamatsu felt like dropping to the ground and sleeping. Asking Chibita to agree to his request had been so exhausting. But he couldn't rest now, all he had to do was walk to the end of the city over to the cliff and be done with his life.

He took slow steps. It was the slowest he ever walked as it felt like hours but eventually he spotted the cliff and the ocean. Picking up his pace, he just wanted to get this over with. Something in the corner of his eye bothered him and he turned his head to the forest like he did last night.

He couldn't exactly place it but the forest felt important to him. He still couldn't shake off the feeling that he'd go in there one day. Well that was obvious because his body would be buried there but it was something else. Though that didn't matter now because he was going to die in a few minutes.

Feeling rocks instead of grass Karamatsu finally made it. With a few more meters crossed, he finally stood on the edge of the cliff. The feeling was familiar; this was probably the 50th time he'd stood here, but this time it was going to be the last.

Karamatsu closed his eyes and looked up. He relished the wind brushing against his skin. To think that in just a few minutes he won't ever get to feel it again. He won't ever get to listen to Chibita go on about how his oden was the best. He won't ever get to try to convince Totoko to be his girlfriend. He won't ever get to taste his mother's cooking or go on business trips with his dad.

…He won't ever get to see his brothers again.

Karamatsu opened his eyes. Looking at his watch it just struck midnight. It was time. He looked down at the waves crashing against the rocks and shivered. He could practically feel the height of the fall. Hopefully hitting the waters would be an instant death.

He took a deep breath and released it. It was uncanny that he felt so calm about everything. He remembered last night when he stood on the edge he had second thoughts about jumping. Now he had none. The was no fear left inside him. He felt hollow instead.

He looked up one last time to see the stars and smiled sorrowfully. Life had been great while it lasted. Even though he gave up on the idea a while ago, he still had a sliver of hope of joining the stars in the sky. And there was only one way to find out.

Karamatsu jumped.

He heard a scream of his name in the distance but it quickly drowned out to the wind blasting through his face. Every second the water came closer to his vision and every second he came closer to dying. This was it. This was the end. He was finally going to disappear just like how he always wanted.

But was this the only choice he had?

…Was there really no other alternative?

But he couldn't think about it any longer as the waves swallowed him up.

* * *

 _Please leave a review! They really mean a lot :)_


	9. Chapter 9

Looking at his hand, Karamatsu sighed. It was only getting worse and he couldn't do anything about it. He raised his right hand higher and studied it. He could slightly see the trees and grass through his hand and that's when Karamatsu decided to give up on the idea of returning to normal.

He was fading.

When he first noticed his body becoming translucent he knew he had to get away from his brothers. If they had seen his body's state, they would've grown concerned and Karamatsu didn't want that. The whole time he had been here as a ghost his brothers always gave him looks of worry even when they tried to hide it. Karamatsu knew everything. That was why he had tried so hard to do everything he could to make them happy, to make his brothers' griefs and sorrows just disappear. But in the end it never really worked out because even when everything seemed fine and normal everybody knew it just wasn't right. It didn't feel right.

And that was why Karamatsu had to run away. He couldn't bear to see the looks of horror on their faces. Maybe to them, it would be like the funeral all over again. They would have to deal with the loss of their brother _again_ , and Karamatsu doubted there would be a third chance.

Turning his head, he shifted his gaze past the trees to the cliff afar. It was the middle of the night and he was finally inside the forest, sitting down and resting his back against the bark of a tree. So after all that time of having a feeling that he would be in here one day, it was the day that he was dead and a ghost. He laughed, he had no idea that it would've been like this.

He kept his eyes on the cliff. So that had been the place where he died. The moment he spotted the area when he was with Jyushimatsu that was when all the memories came flooding in. It crashed into him so hard he felt weak in the knees. But he had to hold himself together and hide his emotions because if he hadn't, then Jyushimatsu would've known something was wrong and the truth would've been spilled.

What happened to him after he jumped? The last thing he could remember was waking up in his house but he had already been a ghost by then. Also, how did his brothers know that he was dead? When he saw his brothers again on that rainy night they explained to him that they had just gotten back from the funeral. Had Chibita not done what he had asked? Well, even if he didn't he couldn't be mad at his friend. He had asked him for an awful favor after all and Karamatsu still felt guilty.

Turning his attention back to his hand, his frown deepened when it was more semitransparent than the last time he looked at it. So he guessed that looking at the place where he died triggered something in him that was now causing him to fade. To disappear…and maybe for good.

Karamatsu's breath hitched at the last thought. He was going to leave this world again and he might never come back. When he was alive he actually looked forward to disappearing but now that it was going to happen again it didn't sit well with him. He wasn't afraid, he just didn't want to leave.

But what about his brothers? They weren't even aware of the state he's in. They could've assumed that Karamatsu just left them. It was better than finding out that he actually left the world again.

…But what about himself? Karamatsu wouldn't lie to admit that he felt a pang of guilt for suddenly ditching his brothers like that only to hide. He wondered what they were doing. Were they searching for him? Were they crying? As much as he wanted to see them again he couldn't, not looking like this. And it didn't help that memories of his brothers were flowing through his brain right now.

All of the things he'd done with his brothers while he was a ghost, he'd never in his living years thought he would've done any of that. Despite being a ghost for the past month, he'd spent the best time with his brothers than he ever had. He wished he could do it again. But most of all, he just wanted…he wanted…

He just wanted to see his brothers again.

And that's when he realized he was crying.

Putting a hand to his cheek, he felt the wet trails. When had he started crying? Was it because all he wanted more than ever was to see his brothers again? The thought of it had tears falling faster and dropping into his lap. Karamatsu's lips wobbled as he shut his eyes. He regretted letting his brothers suffer for so long because of him. He regretted not being strong enough to handle his emotions. He wished he had never seen the cliff and remembered his death.

But most of all, he wished he had never killed himself.

His puffy eyes spotted the cliff once again. It was too late to fix this. Things will never be the same again. It was just something that he learned to accept. But maybe there was something that he could do. It was probably selfish of him but with his time ending soon then maybe it was okay for one final selfish wish. A wish that could finally let him pass on content and happy.

Wiping his face, he got up and started walking out of the forest. Every step he took made him feel like falling over and never getting up. He felt extremely weak. Way worse from when he remembered he barely ate anything anymore when he was alive. But he had to do this, or else he would regret it when he really disappeared.

After many struggling steps he finally made it to his destination. Looking up, he smiled. He was at his house again. Sliding the door open, he stepped inside and started searching for any of his brothers only to find the house empty.

His heart sank a little. He had hoped that at least one of his brothers were here but that didn't seem to be the case. Sighing, he went to a file cabinet and pulled out a piece of paper and then went to his father's work desk and picked out a pen. He walked into the living room and sat on the floor in front of the table. He wasn't going to give up just yet. This method was his last resort and if this didn't work then he could pass on knowing that he tried. With a weak grasp of the pen, he started writing:

 _Dear brothers,_

 _I apologize for leaving so suddenly but there was something that happened. I feared what your reactions would've been so my only choice was to run away. But you see, I have been in hiding for too long and I think it would be best if we could meet up. For one more time that is… I cannot go into further details just yet but when you actually see me then you will understand. But for now, do you know where Jyushimatsu practices baseball nowadays? The cliff by the ocean? If you could please head over there and when you see it, you should also see a small forest to the right. Go inside there and that is where you will find me. But if you don't…well I just wanted to say that I love you guys so much._

 _P.S- Please don't read the letters in the closet until after today. -Karamatsu_

After finishing the last sentence, Karamatsu's hand felt numb and shook. He never thought writing could be so draining. He left the note and pen on the table and made his way over to the bedroom, placing the remaining letters in the closet before exiting the house for the last time.

When he got outside he looked up. The sky was still dark but instead of black it became more dark blue. That must've meant that the sun was going to rise soon. Karamatsu made a mental note of that. If his brothers came before the sun came up, then they could probably still see him. If they came after, then…Karamatsu couldn't do anything about it besides hope.

He walked down the street and turned in a few areas before he realized the house he just passed. Stopping, he turned around to see the house that belonged to his good friend. He hadn't seen Chibita since that incident with Osomatsu and he knew he was suffering just as much as his brothers. Worried for his friend's wellbeing, he walked up and knocked on the door. If Chibita answered, he might not see him but at least Karamatsu would know how he was feeling by seeing his face.

But he never got to see his friend's face because no one answered. His shoulders slumped at that. It seemed that every person he wanted to see was just not available. He decided to leave the house but not without turning the doorknob for a good measure. And to his luck it opened.

He sincerely hoped that Chibita was alright because if he was home and his door was unlocked then something must've happened. Doing a quick search, he also found the place to be empty. Chibita must've been out as well but Karamatsu couldn't help but feel a bit saddened. He was going to disappear without ever seeing Chibita again.

His eyes scanned over a counter and he noticed a crumpled piece of paper with a pencil by it. Curiosity ended up getting the better of him and he made a beeline towards it and with hesitant hands, he opened it.

" _I'm such a terrible friend. I'm so sorry, Karamatsu."_

Karamatsu gasped as he clutched the paper. He felt tears threatening to spill. All he wanted to do was find Chibita and squeeze him into a hug and tell him that _he's_ the one who was a terrible friend and that _he's_ the one who's sorry. His friend was out there somewhere who was probably spiraling down in guilt. Karamatsu had been such a fool for dragging him into his mess.

He had to tell Chibita that none of this was his fault. Hastily grabbing the pencil next to him, Karamatsu quickly wrote with as much honestly as he could on the wrinkled paper. Chibita didn't deserve this pain. Not even his brothers, not anyone. If he had realized when he was alive just how much his death could affect all the people he cared about then he wouldn't have…

He had no time to dwell on the past nor the time to regret over things. Putting the last sentence Karamatsu gave it one last look over before leaving it on the counter face up. He could only hope that Chibita came here soon to see the truth.

It disheartened Karamatsu that he couldn't be seen by his friends and parents. At least Chibita believed that he was still here but it was his parents and Totoko who didn't. Maybe he should've left them a note for them as well and let them decide if it was really him that wrote it. But time was running out and he had a place to be.

Walking out of the house, Karamatsu gave Chibita's house one last longing stare before continuing his way towards the forest. The sky was still dark, but it slowly became a lighter blue and he worried that his brothers wouldn't read the note and find him in time. Despite growing weaker and more tired by the minute Karamatsu still refused to give up. Even though his wish of becoming a star didn't come true that didn't mean that this wish couldn't come true either.

He reached the forest and strained his ears to hear if his brothers were already here but there was only silence aside from the few crickets. Repressing a frown, Karamatsu made his way through and found the same tree and sat down. His skin became even more translucent and he knew that he wasn't going to make it for another hour. All he could do was wait and hope.

.

.

.

He waited for another 20 minutes and there was still no sign of his brothers and at that point he closed his eyes and sighed. Instead of feeling bitter, his lips grew into a smile as he looked at the cliff by the right. He shouldn't feel so disappointed over this. They probably weren't home yet to find the note or maybe they just didn't care. Whatever the reason was Karamatsu could only smile. _It's fine,_ he thought, because he got the second chance to be with each of his brothers. It might not be during his final moment but regardless he couldn't have asked for anything more.

He noticed a spot of light in his peripheral and he looked towards of the ocean to see the sun beginning to rise, its yellow curve peaking over the ocean horizon. So his time was up. Relaxing against the tree, Karamatsu closed his eyes. Wherever they were, he hoped his brothers had as much fun with him as he had with them. He hoped they were alright.

"…matsu!"

Karamatsu jolted away from the tree and turned his attention left of him. Focusing, he heard the rustles of leaves and grass and in the next second he saw his brothers running towards him at full speed. Karamatsu sprung up and his eyes widened in disbelief. They actually came. "Y-You guys…" he said.

"Karamatsu!" They all screamed when they found him. A mixture of anger, sadness, and concern were present in all their faces as they kept running. They finally slowed down to a halt a few feet away from him when they finally got a good look at him.

"I can't believe it…" Karamatsu whispered disbelievingly, "You guys really came back for me."

"Of course we came back for you! After all that shit you made us go through into finding you only to find out you told us where you were with a dumb note? How could we not?!" Ichimatsu snapped. "You better be glad that I came home before all the others and found the note," he grumbled, "And why did you just leave us so suddenly?"

"Oh my god," Todomatsu whispered, and then he yelled, "Oh my god! Karamatsu-niisan y-you-?" He couldn't even finish his sentence as he stared at him in horror.

Karamatsu's face shifted into a grim look as he nodded his head. Raising a hand to show them, he spoke, "My brothers, what you are seeing is the truth. My body is slowly disappearing and soon I will not be around here for much longer."

The others gasped in horror as they took in the sight and words. The younger two actually started crying, "This-this is all so unfair!" Todomatsu wept.

Realization finally dawned upon Choromatsu, "Karamatsu-niisan, is that why you…left so suddenly? Because you didn't want us to know about this?"

"Yes," Karamatsu sorrowfully admitted. He couldn't remain eye contact so he stared at the grass instead, "Once I noticed what was happening to me I had to get away. I didn't want to make you guys worried and I feared that you would learn the truth of my death. But now that my time is ending soon I think it's best that I tell you."

"We know."

Karamatsu lifted his head and stared at them bewilderedly, "What?"

"We know," Ichimatsu repeated, "You took…you took your own life."

Silence rang in the air. Karamatsu's brows furrowed and Osomatsu seemed to understand his thought. "If you're wondering how we know that, Chibita told us," he said before the other could ask.

"Ch-Chibita told you guys?" Karamatsu said, shocked, "Oh gosh, that must've been too much pressure for him. Do you know where he is or what he's doing now?"

The brothers all gave each other hesitant looks until Choromatsu took responsibility and spoke for them all, "Well right after he told us he ran away before we could say anything." He thought it was best to leave out the incident with Ichimatsu's anger. "We were too caught up in," he paused and swallowed, "Our guilt."

"Don't we deserve it though?" Ichimatsu asked, "Don't we deserve to feel so miserable and guilty? His death was basically our faults. I knew. Karamatsu knew. We _all_ knew but nobody said anything about it." He turned towards the others, "We didn't know exactly how Karamatsu died but don't you dare lie and say that you guys didn't know we all played some part in it." Turning his attention back to Karamatsu, Ichimatsu's voice waivered, "I remember when you said that you forgave me, but… I don't deserve to be forgiven. None of us do."

The ghost watched all his brothers' eyes turn away from him and stared at the ground in shame. This wasn't what he wanted. Karamatsu didn't want it to end being like this. "No, I don't think that," he said, "I still forgive you all." And it was the very truth.

Ichimatsu's face scrunched up as tears started spilling, "But- why? After all the terrible things that we'd done to you in the past?"

Smiling, Karamatsu knew how to answer this easily, "Because I love you all so much."

And that was it. Those were the words that had all his brothers crying, even himself.

"W-We're so sorry Karamatsu-niisan!" Jyushimatsu bawled, smearing his tears on his sleeve as he tried wiping it.

"It's okay! I forgive every one of you! I'm so sorry for what I've done," Karamatsu sobbed, "I wish that what I did had never happened. I wish I could've spent more time with you all." He knew the sunrise behind him was higher because he could see the sun's rays shining through him. It was time, "I-I have to go now."

"Karamatsu you bastard," Osomatsu said, but he had a shaking smile, "You're leaving us again without asking."

"Sorry Osomatsu but I'm not the one who decides that this time," Karamatsu laughed, "Even though I can't stay for much longer, I truly enjoyed every moment with you all. But now this is my farewell."

"No it's not!" Choromatsu argued, "This can't be a farewell because there will be a time when we die too and then we'll see you again." The others shook their heads vigorously in agreement.

Karamatsu's eyes widened for a moment before relaxing and grinning, "Yeah, you're right. I meant to say that I'll be seeing you all again someday."

Ichimatsu ran. He ran towards Karamatsu automatically and the others soon followed to do the same. This couldn't be the end, he thought, or at least not yet.

Not until they gave a proper goodbye.

Karamatsu stared at them in shock, surprised at the sudden movement, before smiling and opening his arms like he was welcoming them. Without fumbling, Ichimatsu and the others closed the distance with every step they took. He saw how Karamatsu mouthed something and Ichimatsu's eyes widened. He couldn't hear it but he fully understood what he meant. The brothers leaped towards Karamatsu and shouted his name.

But Karamatsu was gone.

They all crashed on the ground in a pile. All of them were crying except for Ichimatsu, lying on the ground crushed by his brothers. That was it. It was over. Ichimatsu stared at the grass distantly, echoing those last silent words in his head.

 _Thank you._

* * *

 _Aren't you guys happy that there's actually one more chapter left? I wonder what will happen... Also I just love it when something in the story refers to the title. :)_

 _It would be really great if you guys could leave a review. It really makes me happy. :') Thank you to those who have reviewed. I squeal every time I read them. :)_

 _Thank you so much for reading!_


	10. Chapter 10

Yawning, Choromatsu turned over the newspaper and read the contents on the back. He and Osomatsu sat in the living room around the table reading to themselves in silence. Choromatsu internally grumbled to himself. The interview he went to with Karamatsu that day had been a success as the boss had called him to schedule another interview to make their final decision, but he was never able to make it due to family matters and now his chance of getting the job went to zero.

It sucked, knowing that he would have to start all over again, but at the same time it was okay because there were plenty of other opportunities. It was as Karamatsu said, just because things didn't go right the first time that didn't mean the end to everything. Though nowadays instead of bitterly forcing himself to find a job because it would make him look like a responsible adult, he actually enjoyed doing research and applying. Strange, he thought, that his feelings for something could completely change all because of someone.

"Ne, Choromatsu."

"Hm."

"I'm bored," Osomatsu whined.

Choromatsu suppressed the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose and kept his eyes glued to the newspaper. Don't give in to him, he thought, don't give him the satisfaction. "Then go do something that doesn't make you bored," he replied.

Dropping papers on the table, Osomatsu leaned back with his hands behind him and stared up at the ceiling, "Yeah but whatever I do I always end up being bored later on."

"Well then there's nothing that I can do about it," the younger said stalely.

Silence flooded the room again and Choromatsu mentally sighed in relief. He really thought his older brother would bug him to the point that he had to cater his needs. He guessed he won this round this time.

"Actually…I was thinking about getting a job."

Choromatsu's eyes tore away from the newspaper faster than the speed of sound and stared at his brother agape, "You're lying," was all he said, hoping that it was the truth.

Osomatsu pouted but kept his stare up at the ceiling. "You're so mean, I can't believe you think of me so lowly like that. But," his expression suddenly shifted to seriousness, something Choromatsu rarely ever saw, "I meant what I said though. We aren't getting any younger and life is changing. I realized something about myself -and before you say anything I know- I know I was aware of it for a long time but I just didn't want to accept it."

Finally moving, Osomatsu looked at his younger brother, "As much as being a neet sounds easy and fun, for once in my life, I actually want to work hard for something. I want to be successful in life but that's not going to happen if I'm stuck like this. I want people to be proud of me. I want _him_ to be proud of me. So I know it might be pathetic of your older brother asking you for a favor but… will you come with me to the job interview I have next week?"

Choromatsu remained quiet as his brother's stare burn into his skull. Turning his attention back to his newspaper, he caught sight of a job offering at an adoption center as a cage cleaner. It wasn't the most professional but it was something, and that was enough to satisfy him. Smiling, Choromatsu closed the newspaper and set it down before getting up and stretching. Everyone had to start somewhere.

"Of course."

* * *

"There's nothing biting."

"But we've only been here for 10 minutes."

"Jyushimatsu-niisan, we've been here for over an- you know what- never mind. Forget I said anything," Todomatsu sighed, rubbing the sweat off his brow. It was the middle of the day and they were out under the blazing hot sun trying to catch fish in their city's fishing spot. Looking around, he didn't spot any of the regular fishers who probably knew more about catching than them. If they weren't here in this gross weather, then it must've been a terrible day to do this.

"Todomatsu…"

"Yeah?"

Jyushimatsu turned his head and stared at him, "Do you think I should change my bait?"

Confused, Todomatsu returned the stare, "What? Why would you need to change it?"

"Because it's soggy and it's about to detach from the hook."

 _What._ Todomatsu's eyes trailed down the fishing line to the bait below the water and suddenly wished he never saw it. "Jyushimatsu-niisan, why on earth are you using a letter as bait? Is that a love letter too? I can see the heart on it!"

The other's eyes seemed to brighten at the question. "Karamatsu-niisan told me this method works best so I'm trying it out," he said.

He should've told Jyushimatsu that Karamatsu's method never worked and that he was only making a fool of himself, but he didn't, or at least not yet because he found himself clutching his stomach and laughing. "Oh my god," he wheezed, "Honestly I never expected you to heed his advice. I hope you realize that Karamatsu-niisan never once caught anything using that method."

"But I want to catch at least one using his method," Jyushimatsu said, "I won't stop until I do catch one because I want Karamatsu-niisan to know that it can work. I want to continue his efforts to prove it."

Todomatsu sighed again, but he couldn't help himself smiling from the response, "Alright alright if you think so." He looked back at the water, where his fake shrimp floated just underneath the surface.

It had been a week. A week since Karamatsu had disappeared and left this world. The first few days had been rough for him and the others. Everyone was still shaken up over the event and it had been difficult for them to accept the fact that Karamatsu was gone again and this time he wasn't ever going to come back. It took a while, with a few more tears and hugs, but eventually things had calmed down and everyone went back living their lives.

"Hey, Todomatsu."

"Hm?" he hummed, eyes never leaving the water.

Something nudged his left shoulder and looking next to him, he found Jyushimatsu's arm stretched towards him holding another letter, "I have one for you as well."

Todomatsu felt reluctant. He didn't want to take it because that meant spending even more hours here with absolutely nothing but he didn't want the possibility of hurting Jyushimatsu's feelings. He could just imagine the hurt look on his brother's face if he didn't accept his hard work.

With hesitant hands, Todomatsu reeled in his line and took off his bait before grabbing the envelope and stabbing it onto the hook. _This isn't going to work,_ he mumbled in his head as he let the letter drown underwater. But he guessed he could work with it, as long he took Karamatsu's advice. "Patience is a virtue after all," he whispered to himself.

"Todomatsu! Todomatsu!" Jyushimatsu called way too excitedly.

"Yeah?"

"I caught one!"

* * *

Chibita looked up from his drawing at the new customer in front of his cart, only to realize it was someone he knew. "I see you're looking quite…fashionable today," he commented before busting out laughing.

Ichimatsu fidgeted in embarrassment as he took off the shades. It was difficult seeing when everything was so dark. He hesitated, chewing his lip, but finally admitted, "I figured that if I wore his jacket and shades I could maybe gain a little more confidence."

Chibita nodded in understanding and gestured to the seat. "Why don't you sit down? It's free for you today and _only_ you so don't go telling your brothers, ya idjit," he offered.

"But why?" the other asked, bewildered and worried, "I don't deserve this."

Raising a hand, Chibita shook his head, "Don't you start with me with that pessimistic attitude, Ichimatsu. Just think of it as an act of kindness…and an apology, a lame one at that. Besides, the weather is pretty great today don't you think?"

Right after he said that a light gust of wind blew and the hair on his arms stood up. It was a beautiful sensation he hadn't felt in forever. With the sunlight shining around his oden cart, he could finally appreciate the moment he was in instead of focused on something else, something that he should've never been swallowed up in. And that was remorse.

Minutes passed as Ichimatsu ate oden while he continued drawing on his notepad. But after a while even Chibita knew that Ichimatsu wanted to say something, specifically to him. "So, why are you here?" he asked without looking up and felt the other tense, "I know you want to say something to me so go ahead, I won't get mad I promise."

Ichimatsu lowered his chopsticks and pursed his lips. He squeezed his eyes shut before opening them and stared grimly at his plate. "I- I wanted to apologized for what I did to you that day" -he swallowed- "My emotions got the better of me and I acted before I knew what I was doing. I'm sorry."

Chibita stopped drawing and looked up, "It's okay, I understand why you were angry with me, idjit."

"But-"

Chibita raised his hand again and silenced him, "I said it's fine, I forgive you. And honestly I think it was a normal reaction because I told you guys something so important after keeping it a secret for so long. You guys had every right to be angry at me, I deserved it. I'm sorry for doing that."

Ichimatsu stared at him in shock. "I…thank you," he said.

Chibita smiled. "It's no problem idjit. Now…" he continued before Ichimatsu could take another bite of his food, "What's the real reason why you're here?"

The other flinched and dropped his chopsticks at the sudden question. Scratching his head, Ichimatsu nervously looked around before giving up and sighing. He bit his lip, but managed to speak, "I just wanted to know how you're coping with it. You know…with Karamatsu-niisan's death and all. I wanted to know if you're okay."

Now it was Chibita who went speechless. Mouth agape, he stared at Ichimatsu. That was a question he never expected, especially from him. "I'm fine now," he answered, and it was the truth. An idea suddenly popped in his head. Reaching into his pocket, Chibita took out a folded piece of paper and slid it on the counter over to the other.

Ichimatsu took it with trembling hands and began opening it. "What's this?" he asked.

"Just read it," Chibita said without any context.

He watched Ichimatsu carefully, and then smiled when he saw his hands squeezing the paper and his eyes watering.

.

 _I'm such a terrible friend. I'm so sorry, Karamatsu._

 _Chibita, I hope you read this before you do anything awful to yourself. Yes, this is Karamatsu. I know that might seem impossible but please believe me. The truth is I am a ghost but sadly I don't have much time left. I wanted to see your face one last time but you were not home at the moment. But after seeing this note…I just had to write to you._

 _I want you to know that none of this is your fault- it never was. So please, don't beat yourself up over this because knowing you're like this brings me so much pain. I can't stand seeing my friends and family suffering. You mean the world to me and I want you to be happy. Could you do that for me? Living your life happily? A smile looks much better on you!_

 _Thank you for always being there for me. You were the best friend I ever had.  
-Karamatsu_

 _._

 _._

 _._

* * *

"Hey are you guys sure it's okay to come out here?" Todomatsu asked as he hid behind Choromatsu and looked around paranoid, "This entire place is restricted area."

Osomatsu waved his hand and grinned, "It's fine there's nothing to worry about. We were here before so we're not going to get caught. Who would go out in this place in the middle of the night anyways?"

"Apparently insane people," Chibita grumbled out.

The sun had finally set, leaving the stars to take its place. The brothers and Chibita trekked through the forest by the cliff, making sure to find the exact spot the brothers were at last time. It had just turned midnight and the wind started rolling through. The leaves on the pine trees bristled and the loose ones tumbled across the floor. Only the cicadas and the steps of Chibita and the others created noise throughout the whole area. For the most part is was dark, but the moon's glow and Osomatsu's flashlight highlighted them and parts of the trees and ground.

"Doesn't that make you insane too, Chibita?" Jyushimatsu asked.

Chibita raised his arms up in exasperation, "Apparently so!"

"Shh! You're going to get us caught!" Choromatsu snapped. He looked around to make sure they were in the clear just to be sure.

Osomatsu patted the younger's shoulder, "C'mon guys you know that if anyone jumps us I'll take care of them."

Jyushimatsu cheered, "I will too!"

"Hey be careful, Jyushimatsu-niisan, don't swing your arms around too much or you'll damage what's inside the box," Todomatsu said.

"Hey guys I think we're here," Ichimatsu pointed out. He pointed his finger towards the circular clearing of trees. There it was in front of them, the tree that Karamatsu was last seen by. Even though there was nothing around the tree it felt as if he was still there.

Chibita looked at the others, "So this is the place where he finally moved on?"

Nodding, Osomatsu shined the flashlight on the tree. "Yep, this was the place we found him at right before he left. Heh, it's so vivid in my mind it felt like it was just yesterday."

They all walked across to the center of the clearing and formed a circle. Jyushimatsu placed the box he held on the ground and opened the folds. Osomatsu pointed the flashlight to show the contents. "Alright, is everybody ready?" he asked.

Everyone nodded their heads in agreement and Jyushimatsu reached in and took out the content. Choromatsu joined in and helped in unfolding it. Turning his head towards Ichimatsu he asked, "Did you remember to bring the matches?"

The other stood stiff and looked from Choromatsu to the ground. "I forgot," was all he said.

Todomatsu slapped his palm to his forehead. "Ichimatsu-niisan how could you forget to bring the matches?" he scolded, "You knew how important this was going to be and you forgot? What are we going to do now? This whole thing is pointless if we can't light the lantern now…"

Osomatsu walked up to Choromatsu and Jyushimatsu setting it up, "It's alright guys I got this." Digging into the pocket of his jeans he took out a lighter and flicked it on to spark a fire. "You see? Problem solved," he smiled, letting the flame brighten his face.

Choromatsu looked absolutely mortified. "Osomatsu-niisan? Why on earth do you have a lighter with you? I thought you quit smoking?" he asked.

"I did quit," Osomatsu said, "I ended up smoking again but I did quit again." He put the lighter towards the lantern's burner at the bottom and held it there until fire appeared on the wick. "It's just that throwing the lighter away unfinished seemed like a waste so I kept it. I knew Ichimatsu would forget to bring the matches so it's a good thing I brought it with me" -turning the lighter off, he looked at Todomatsu- "See? Problem solved."

Everyone looked at him in silence and sympathy before Choromatsu smiled, "Thanks for bringing it, Osomatsu-niisan."

"So, shall we begin writing our messages?" Chibita suggested, holding a marker for each of them in their favorite colors.

The markers were distributed and when someone wrote on the paper lantern, two of the others held it in place for them to keep it from floating away. The first to go was Osomatsu as he declared that since he was the oldest that he was the one who should go first. Then it was Ichimatsu, then Todomatsu, Choromatsu, and last was Jyushimatsu.

"Can I write a gigantic paragraph?" Jyushimatsu asked but moved the marker towards the lantern to start a new sentence anyways.

Todomatsu snatched it out of his hands before he could make another mark, "No! One sentence is enough! I don't want the lantern to be covered in yellow."

"If you guys are done I'd like the markers back now," Chibita huffed, "I need them to make signs for my shop."

As everyone handed them back to him Choromatsu asked, "Do you want to leave a message as well, Chibita?"

Eyes widening, Chibita shook his head, "Are you crazy idjit? It's not my place to write on it. You're Karamatsu's brothers, not me."

Osomatsu walked up behind him and plucked out a marker from his pocket and smirked, "Is that so? Then why else would you have a _blue_ marker hm?"

Chibita's face flushed bright red as a tomato as he snatched it back from his hand. "I just decided to grab all the markers I had without thinking idjit!" he defended hastily, "I didn't mean to grab it!"

"But isn't blue your favorite color as well?" Jyushimatsu joined in.

"It's just a coincidence!"

Placing a hand on Chibita's shoulder, Osomatsu kneeled down in front of him. "Hey, it's alright. You were just as important to him as us. You should leave one for him to read as well. I'm sure he would love it," he reassured.

Chibita's eyes waivered and looked at the marker in his hand before squeezing it. He nodded his head and walked up to the lantern as Ichimatsu and Todomatsu lowered it for him. He wrote on the paper, and after a few words written on he stepped back and smiled.

"It's perfect," Todomatsu said, looking at it and smiling as well.

"Okay guys, everyone gather around and use one hand to grab the bottom rim of the lantern and use your other to hold the letter Karamatsu gave to all of us," Choromatsu instructed.

Everyone listened and a few steps and shuffles later they all circled around the glowing paper, arms extended out holding it together. They all reached in their pockets and pulled out a piece of paper and held it firmly in their other hand.

"Is everyone ready?" Todomatsu asked. With a nod from the others, they all counted down.

"3!"

"2!"

"1!"

And then they let go.

The lantern immediately started floating up towards the night sky. The orange glow stood out from the midnight blue and it only got smaller the higher it floated.

It had been a year since Karamatsu left them. Not the day he actually died, but the day he disappeared from this very spot in the forest. It was all so surreal to them. That a whole year went by just like that.

They all craned their heads up, refusing to look away from the orange spot in the sky. The grips that held the letters in their hands tightened. They weren't going to stop looking and they weren't going to let go. They were going to relish every second.

Bringing the letter to his chest, Todomatsu couldn't stop smiling. He recited the words that Karamatsu wrote for him in his head. Every word he went through in his mind the more his eyes glistened.

 _My youngest brother, please do not cry any longer. It pains me to know that those tears have been for me. Save them for someone or something else that has made you happy, not in melancholy. It never bothered me one bit that you liked to go to extreme lengths to get what you want. But even if you are the most hardworking, that doesn't mean you're the bravest. I'm sorry for sometimes joining with the others and teasing you because you get terrified over the simplest things. But I want you to know that it's okay. It's okay to fear certain things because it's part of what makes us humans. So if there's ever a time that you're too scared to do something, just ask one of the others to do it for you. You may get mocked, but we'll still listen because we love you._

The tears that Todomatsu finally shed were still for Karamatsu, but they for someone that made him joyous.

Choromatsu sniffed as he watched the lantern. He never expected a letter could change his whole life. He mentally thanked Karamatsu, it was something that he definitely needed.

 _Ah, my most responsible and sensible brother. Whenever I can't do something right in society you were always there to help me. You may scold me and tell me what a fool I was being, but you always meant well and I appreciated that. You strive for excellence, but there's something that keeps you from doing that and that's your anxiety. Don't think that just because you keep failing at what you try your hardest at you should stay where you are. Don't be afraid to keep trying. If you want change in your life, then you should go for it. Don't let your worries and doubts hold you back. I will always have faith in you because I know you will succeed and the only way to reach it is to keep trying. I know you can do it, so have more confidence in yourself, okay?_

The day he read the letter when they found it in the closet was the day he already felt like he succeeded in life. And Karamatsu was the one to thank.

Jyushimatsu twirled around in his spot and raised his hands in the air like he tried reaching for the stars. He should've brought his baseball bat. He had so much excitement inside himself that he didn't know what to do with it all.

 _You have always been full laughter and smiles and I hope that it can continue on. But if there's ever a time when you don't feel that way don't feel the need to cover up your emotions with a fake smile and laugh. Do it when you only and truly feel that way. I'm sorry that we won't be singing on the roof top any longer or play baseball together anymore, but I'll always be singing along with you and watching you practice from where I am now. You might always do things differently than the rest of us but don't let anyone tell you that because you are different you can't do certain things. Keep doing what you love because no matter what you do I'll always support and love you for who you are. So until you find a new person to sing with take care of my guitar, okay?_

He beamed, he'd never felt this joyful in all his life. "It's going to join the stars," he cried, loud for the world to hear, "It's going to join him!"

Tearing his eyes away from the lantern, Ichimatsu turned and stared at the tree. The last thing Karamatsu had touched. He remembered that day clearly when they all ran towards him in a useless attempt to embrace him.

 _Ah my younger brother, for the longest time I had always thought you hated me. But now finally understanding the truth it makes me ecstatic to know that I hold some place in your heart. I wish I had noticed the truth long ago but I wasn't observant enough. I am sorry for not noticing sooner which led me to believe in your hatred for me. The past is long gone so please do not think you are the main cause for my decision to end my own life because it isn't. I never once disliked you for the way you treated me. In fact, I was happy that you at least gave me some attention. My only wish, if you could comply, is to be honest with yourself. Be honest with your thoughts and emotions and misunderstandings will no longer be created. If you can do that, then life will be so much easier for you._

Instead of crying, he smiled. Because even though Karamatsu had disappeared the moment he tried wrapping him in his arms, Ichimatsu _felt_ Karamatsu's presence. It was faint, oh so very faint, but it was there and it felt warm.

Osomatsu leaned back on his heels and craned his neck more. The light was getting higher and soon it will completely disappear. He gripped the paper tighter in his hand. He never knew Karamatsu had a way with words.

 _Osomatsu, my one and only older brother. I am sorry that your dreams of passing away before all of us didn't come true. I would've been just as sad if it had been any one of our younger brothers but I wouldn't know what to do if it were you. It may not seem like it but you are someone I look up to and respect so much. You are the only one I could seek help from. Thank you for always being there for me. There were times of need when I had to be the one to step up but not once did I think you were any less of what you are. My only wish is that now that I'm gone, I wish you could fill in the gaps that I left. At least until they have all moved on and are independent but still be there whenever they are hurting. Be responsible but don't burden the responsibilities on yourself. Also, if you could, at least quit poisoning your lungs with those cigarettes. I may see you again someday but I don't want to see you any time soon._

He chuckled. In the past when he first started smoking Karamatsu had begged for him to quit. It took weeks to listen and give in, but this second time, all it took was a few sentences and he stopped.

There was a tap on his left shoulder and he looked to see Chibita standing next time him. His friend didn't say a word but Osomatsu understood him perfectly. Reaching into his other pocket, he pulled out another paper. When they had first read it, they were all surprised. But they treasured it just like with all their letters.

Osomatsu took the paper and raised it up towards the sky pointing at the light and grinned. Karamatsu _really_ had a way with words.

 _Honestly, I wish I could've spent more time with you all. I have left this world too early and I regret it. Life is a very fragile and an important thing to have. Once that life is over it is gone for good and it was my mistake for ending my life so early. If I could go back in time to rethink my decisions I would've never done it._

 _I know you're all thinking that all I just said made me think I left with such negative thoughts about regretting what I had done but I didn't. Yes, I do regret it but what I don't regret was spending my last few moments with each and every one of you. I thought that once someone died they're gone forever, but for some reason I had the chance to be with the ones I cared most. It was strange, but I was so grateful that I had another chance._

 _It is such a shame that I could not be with everyone that I cared for though. So brothers, could you please tell mom, dad, Totoko, Iyami, dear Chibita, and everyone else about me? I'm sure they would love to hear about my new experience being here as a ghost._

 _Also, I know I'm asking for too much but could I have one last wish? For my last wish I want you all to live on for as long as you can. Cherish and value your life because it is the only one you have. I know we all have reached a point in our lives at our worse when we thought if it meant anything if we continued on living. Let me tell you something._

 _It does._

 _It means_ so _much. So much more than what you think. It was my mistake for realizing that after my death but after my having a second chance, I want to tell you all that your lives hold meaning in them. The very last thing I want to happen is for you to waste and throw your precious lives away._

 _So please…don't be swallowed in guilt and remorse anymore thinking that it was your fault for my death. It was my choice and my choice alone, none of you had any part in it. I knew the moment I saw you guys again that it wouldn't last forever but that was okay, because I made sure to spend it with you guy as much as I could. My time here had been a blast, and I couldn't have asked for anything more._

 _By the time you read this I am already gone. But I hope you learned something in all the letters I gave you. My time is done but I am happy to have lived an amazing life. I could say I am the luckiest guy in the world! When the time comes I'll see you guys again. But hopefully not anytime soon okay? I'll be patiently waiting somewhere…_

 _So for now, I bid you farewell brothers. I love you all so much._

 _Your brother, Karamatsu Matsuno_

And the light was finally gone, disappearing through the clouds.

Osomatsu finally took his eyes away from the sky and looked at every person. Choromatsu and Todomatsu were huddling close to each other putting their hands together in a prayer. Jyushimatsu was jumping up and down holding Ichimatsu's hand and pointing to the stars. The older muttered 'stop' but he smiled and looked up as well. Off to the side Chibita leaned against a tree with his arms crossed and eyes closed, humming to some kind of song.

He felt something tingle on the palm of his hand. Bringing it up, he found an insect resting on it. A firefly. With a sudden realization he looked around to see plenty of others floating around them. They buzzed and glowed, bringing infatuation to Chibita and his brothers.

The fireflies danced around them, their little bodies flashing green giving everyone just enough light to be able to see each other. To see that they were all still together. To see that they were _alive_.

What a strange revelation: _They were_ _alive_.

Osomatsu turned his attention back to the one on his palm. This insect was so small and fragile he could close his hand and crush it, but he didn't. With the beautiful puny ardent light glowing in front of his face, he relished it. The firefly got off his palm and floated around his hand before flying away to join the others.

Closing his eyes, Osomatsu listened to the soft buzzing sounds of the fireflies. It sounded like a song, almost. It sounded like hope.

 _Thank you_

Karamatsu's final words echoed in his mind, his soft and sincere voice that had tears coming back to Osomatsu. Even after all that they did, Karamatsu was still kind and genuine in the end. He never hated them, blamed them, spite them, or any other things Karamatsu could have done to them. Instead, he loved them. Loved them until the very end, and wherever he was he probably still loved and cared for them dearly.

They were still hurting of course. Their brother's death would never go forgotten, but they were finally healing. They were finally living their lives with no more regrets. And that made Osomatsu _breathe._

He lifted his head up and sniffed the air. He could smell the bark of wood and the moist grass. It wasn't exactly the sweetest of scent but it felt so fresh. It left him dumbfounded because he never realized just how alive everything was. He knew that before he would've never thought even once to take the time and take in the beauty of life. But he did now and he loved every bit of it. He laughed, to think that he'd been ignoring something so important and amazing all his life.

"Osomatsu-niisan?" Jyushimatsu called.

"Hm?"

"Do you think it will rain tomorrow?"

Everyone turned quiet and stared at Jyushimatsu. "Why would you ask such a random thing?" Choromatsu asked.

Jyushimatsu's smile merely grew, "If it rains, then Karamatsu-niisan must've read our messages!"

All eyes then turned over to the eldest. Osomatsu looked taken aback for a second but then grinned and hooked an arm around Jyushimatsu's shoulder and laughed, "Then we'll just have to wait and see!"

Nobody said anything more. They all smiled and agreed instead and that was the end to that.

"Free oden tonight!" Chibita suddenly announced, "But don't think I'll be doing this often idjits."

The group cheered in agreement and they started trekking out of the forest, leaving the area to its quiet serenity once again. At the back of the group Osomatsu stopped and turned around. He looked up and stared lovingly at the spot in the sky where the lantern's light was no longer visible. He grinned cheekily. Rain was going to come tomorrow for sure. Closing his eyes, he turned back around and gave one final wave from behind before running to catch up with the others.

They did it. They made it.

They were moving forward.

.

.

.

 _-You were always full of smiles and laughter…and I'm going to miss that the most about you-_

 _-It won't be the same without you, you know that right?-_

 _-It's hard knowing that you're not around anymore but we're coping with it together-_

 _-Wherever you are, I want you to know that you'll always be in our hearts-_

 _-We'll be seeing you again sometime so wait for us okay?-_

 _We love you, Karamatsu!_

 _._

 _._

 _._

* * *

 _Hey guys thank you all SO much for reading! Please leave a review! It lets me know that I did a good job. :') I sincerely hope you enjoyed this story as much as I did._


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